Flashback Friday – He’s a Pisser

The joys of having a son; there are many. When I found out I was pregnant, I was absolutely positive that I was having a girl. Then the ultrasound proved me wrong. “There it is” said the technician – she was pointing to his package. I could not believe it, but after repeating herself over and over, I eventually believed her. I was worried – I had no idea what to do with a boy.

So fast forward many months later, and tada, I’m the proud mama of a little man. I’ve got everything under control – we’re in that happy place where I can read his every move, I understand each cry for what it is, and we’re content just staring at each other. But there was one thing that was still ELUSIVE to me: the changing of the diaper. I had no idea how temperamental this teeny weeny could be. Being a new mom, it took me forever to realize that using a washcloth to cover “his business” would work. So I learned, by trial and error – which means that I was doing a TON of laundry everyday. The minute the diaper came off, it was every man for himself.

But there is one story in particular that makes me laugh everytime I think about it.

My husband and I took our little guy to his doctor’s appointment for his 3-month well-baby check. Once in the room, I told the nurse that I would have to change him because his diaper was full. She told us to take our time and that she would be back in a couple of minutes. So I lay the little man down on the examination table and start taking his stuff off. I got down to everything but the diaper. I had the clean diaper ready to go. With the sides of the diaper open, I pull the diaper down away from the baby; and then, all hell broke loose.

It was as if someone turned on this crazy fire hose that no one was holding on to – he started peeing everywhere. He was spraying the walls, me, daddy, himself – EVERYTHING. The funniest thing was that the baby had no idea that he had transformed into an out-of-control fire hydrant. My husband and I were laughing so hard, I nearly peed my pants. It was as if the kid hadn’t peed at all during those first 3 months, and decided to empty it all out right there. It was HYSTERICAL.

Finally, it was over. The wall was DRIPPING urine (no, I’m not even kidding). His clothes were drenched. I was wet. And, he just lay there looking around, looking bored, covered in pee. The nurse walked in at that moment. She stopped in her tracks as soon as she noticed the wall. She looked at us – we looked at her.

“We’re going to need a moment” I said to her, “and some paper towel”.

You think?

Tagged as: baby boys, diaper disaster, funny story