You are SO going to love me – The finale

Don’t be sad, but yes this is the final chapter to my “you are so going to love me” series. Seriously, if you don’t love me by now, then I don’t have a hope in hell of ever bringing you over to my side.

I tried. (See here, here and here)

So long.

Farewell.

Until we meet again.

Actually, what I meant to say is, please don’t leave me.

Now that that’s settled, let me share with you, the final 25 reasons why we must be besties forever. This post may take me awhile, because quite frankly, even I need convincing at this point. Here goes nothing.

1. I HATE wearing socks. Even in the Canadian winter, I prefer to wear my boots sockless. Oh, and I don’t care how cold it is, you will never see me wearing a hat.

2. I’ve never had a broken bone, although I did crack a rib during a bout of bronchitis.

3. When my brother lived in Las Vegas, I went to visit. We went out for lunch and on our way back to the car he stopped me and said, “Don’t look. There’s a dead body next to the car”. Um, yeah, okay. So I looked, and sure enough, there was a dead body by the car, that hadn’t been there a couple of hours before. (yes, the police were there, but it was shocking to say the least).

4. Hearing about kids being sick, whether its the flu or something much more serious, gives me immeasureable amounts of anxiety. It stops me from having more babies, even though I think I want more.

5. I would love to become a runner, so that I could participate in races, and have my family cheering for me at the finish line.

6. My husband doesn’t realize this, but if he was willing to pay for a cleaning lady, I would be his personal slave…….in the bedroom.

7. I have a weird love of bowls.

8. I am working on a secret formula that will make pasta a food that actually helps you lose weight. Patent pending.

9. I used to listen to Concrete Blonde full blast, back in my high school days. It was the perfect music to listen to when I was angry or bummed. I still remember every word.

10.  I LOVE eggs benedict.

11. I am the queen of throwing a good garage sale. The last one I held, I made $1700.00 in 8 hours.

12. If you attempt to bully me or my kids, I will cut you.

13. Trying to buy a fake purse in Chinatown in New York was the funniest thing. You go to a place, they use walkie talkies, then you walk through a door to another door to another door (um, hello, how desperate was I?). Then you stand in a room that reeks of bad plastic, and you buy said purses and you walk out with a black garbage bag filled essentially with crap. A little different than shopping at Bloomies. Yes I bought some, and no I have NEVER carried a single one. I smell a garage sale coming on.

14. I went to Quebec City with my hubby for our “babymoon”. Do me a favour, if you’re 8 months pregnant, don’t ever visit a place that requires you to walk up and down hundreds of stairs to get anywhere. Your sad pregnant beast feet will thank you.

15. If they made adult bibs, I would make my hubby wear one at all times. The man cannot eat without getting half of it on his shirt, pants, face, hair……should I go on?

16. There is nothing you can say or do to make me eat a brussel sprout.

17. I went to Greek school for years. During one class, our priest was visiting. He asked us if we had any questions. I asked him why the Virgin Mary was called the VIRGIN Mary. The priest told me to go home and ask my parents. During recess, one of the boys answered my question, by gesturing with his hands. I remember saying, “OHHHH”, even though I had no idea what the hell he was doing. I never got that birds and bees convo, clearly.

18. When you think you’re too cool to talk to me, guess what, I’m not intimidated by that. I  just read that as you being a bitch. Now move along.

19. I still remember my favorite teacher, Mrs. Brown. She was the sweetest, most dedicated teacher I have ever had.

20. There is nothing better than having someone else wash your hair.

21. I only just recently tried a McDonalds cheeseburger for the first time ever. They really shouldn’t call that a cheeseburger. Maybe, crap on a bun with cheese? Or what-the-hell-did-I-just-eat with a side of fries? It was gross, period. I’d rather eat a brussel sprout, and I ‘ve already told you how I feel about those (see #16).

22. I would kill to be on Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style for a makeover (when I lose weight). I would also love to be on What NOT to Wear (when I lose weight). It could totally happen. Did I mention that crazy hallucinations are my specialty.

23. I respect your desire to breastfeed, babywear, cloth diaper, co-sleep, make your own food, and all that jazz. Its absolutely your right as a mom. But please, no judgies – can’t we still be friends if I’m pushing my kid in a stroller, using disposables, and happily sleeping ALONE in my bed while my little people sleep in their own beds? I promise I am REALLY nice.

24. I never had a fake i.d.

25. I hope to one day write a book. It will be called Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Every chapter will be titled Hot, Hottie, Holy Crap He’s Hot, and anything else I can think of with the words HOT in it. It will be more about looking at him, as opposed to reading about him, so more pics/less words will do. And every chapter will end with a picture of his delightfully perfect bum.

TADA! Done – there you have it – the last 25 morsels of goodness. Enjoy it, chew slowly and it will metabolize much better.

Tagged as: 100 things, get to know me, life lists