(By Little People, I mean my kids and not ACTUAL little people)
Kids teach us so much. You may not even realize it, but every moment you interact with them, you are learning – about them, and about yourself. But once your children get old enough and big enough to move around your home freely, independently and with purpose – its a whole other set of rules. Prepare to be schooled!
What I’ve learned from little people:
- I will NEVER have a clean house again. (At least not for more than an hour at a time)
- I have learned every possible word that can be used to describe one’s bodily functions (according to little people), and evidently, every single one is absolutely hysterical (to them).
- I have become their human barf bib.
- Skid marks will never shock me again.
- Stepping on a piece of Lego in bare feet is equivalent to the pain experienced during childbirth.
- The joy of outright swearing will be lost forever, and replaced with spelling out your profanity. (D-A-M-M-I-T!)
- Once your kids can spell, you will be subjected to speaking in code and death stares (Believe me, not as effective, or enjoyable).
- Mealtimes will result in the loss of clumps of hair (Mommy’s, NOT the children’s).
- You will be tired forever and ever, and then some more.
- Toy commercials have devastating consequences to a mommy’s wallet.
- You will be wiping little people butts for YEARS, so get used to it.
- Caffeine is my best friend, and her name is Starbucks
- Parenting is riding the emotional roller coaster that never ends.
- Bedtime is the HAPPIEST time of the day.
- Have you seen the movie Groundhog Day? Oh right, you’re living it.
But its okay, don’t you worry. I have the answer baby.
You got to FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT!
It works.
Trust Me.
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Groundhog Day – that is a great comparison!
#15 F T W! It would be very educational as well if you did live with actual little people.
This was hilarious. Xx
That is hysterical and very true. I have never in my life feel the sense of defeat quite like when I clean my house only for it to look like a tornado just ransacked it an hour later. I have never felt the to the bone tiredness as I have sense becoming a mother. I have never drank so much coffee in my life and without it I would literally be a walking zombie. I’ve also never felt so much joy as to when my previous demon child suddenly becomes an angel and walks up to me smiles and says ” I love you mommy”.
Thanks for the post it made me smile.
Thanks for bursting my bubble. You’re supposed to lie and tell us things will get better as kids get older. I’d call you a bitch, but I like you too much
OMG! Yes! Bedtime is the best time of day!
And #15 made me laugh out loud. Great post!
Wow this is like so right on.
Especially #5. Fuckin OUCH
You’re awesome… yes, yes to all these and especially number 15… love you!
I know that Lego foot pain very well! It’s horrible!
Why do kids have such a fascination with potty talk?
The life of a Mom- you described the life of EVERY Mom on this planet! Awesome post.
Ha ha, so true, and yes, I do live in Groundhog Day……yes, I do live in Groundhog Day….see what I mean ?
Yes to everything on your list! #7 made me laugh out loud. #3 reminded me of this morning when my baby threw up on my face at 6:45. Good times!
I agree with everything on your list. I can relate to #9. I feel so tired all the time! Have a nice weekend!
Love the Groundhog Day mention
Totally!!
It’s ALL true. (And I’ve changed your name in my blogroll finally. Sorry, I’ve been MIA for weeks.)
Things certainly do change when your kids get older. I will miss being able to curse out loud. That’s for damn sure. And I don’t like the idea of having to share candy and desserts.
I was actually hoping for a post about real little people like on TLC… or maybe even a post about secret elves that makes shoes for you after you go to sleep…
However… I have also learned that my house will never really be clean. I had to convince my husband of this as well. Now that we’re on the same page… things are much more harmonious…
I love this! I know exactly what you mean about being tired forever, lol.
Um, yeah. Since having the third kid we just let ourselves go on the cursing. No guilt anymore. A kind explanation to the ears that understand we’re being bad, and then we just move on.
Studies show ppl who curse are less stressed…SOOOOOOOO….I’m trying that route for now. Let the shit fly!
Loved, loved, loved this Maria! I think you just about covered it all
All of this is true!
I think I could have written this post myself. Since I didn’t I laughed, then started to cry.
The thing I always manage to step on around here are matchbox cars. Good GAWD that hurts!!
Funny list girl!
OMG Maria, you are hilarious! You spell out your swear words? Genius! I need to start doing that before my kid can spell! I think I’d find that more satisfying than shouting “crud!” Doesn’t really do the trick. And oh boy, do I agree with you on #1. And #5, and #9, and #14…
So funny. Thanks for making me smile.
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