One thing I can say I HATE about being a parent, with zero shame or guilt, is toilet training. Toilet training sucks one big lemon.
Toilet training my now 6 year old was traumatic (for me) and not enjoyable at all. I hated every moment. He just wouldn’t have it – zero interest and fought it all the way. When I finally got him on the toilet, he would sit there, FOREVER, and do nothing, and the minute he had his pull-up back on, he promptly filled it with as much nasty as possible. It was a battle between me and his bowels and the little man’s bowels conquered me and won, every time.
So I gave up (I gave up more than once I might add), and decided to give him a break from it and start up again after a few weeks . But this child was a toilet warrior – he would not be defeated. Although we had some success here and there, he was a long and faithful hold out. Thankfully, one day, he decided that the toilet was in fact his little buddy and things got a whole lot easier after that. Thank you M&Ms.
I will admit that there were some funny moments (and many that make me spontaneously dry heave) when it came to the bathroom and the little man. He was extremely modest when it had to do with “his business” – that’s what he called his little package - “HIS BINNESS”. He didn’t want anyone to see him undress, even to put on his pj’s. He would get all upset if he thought his then baby sister had glanced in his direction, at “his binness”. Personally, I thought it was hysterical – which seemed to make him that much more outraged.
“DON’T YOOK AT MA BINNESS!” and “MA SISSER YOOKED AT MA BINNESS!” would be heard on a daily basis.
Of course one of the worst aspects of toilet training, in my opinion, has to be road trips. If they’re wearing a pull-up or a diaper, then you can always pull over and clean them up when convenient and necessary – super easy in my book. However, if they are wearing Spiderman underwear and you’re in the middle of nowhere, not as fun. There is one particular occasion that I can recall that makes me laugh every time I think of it.
We were on the highway and we heard those three dreaded words – “I GOLLA PEE!!!” Now, we were literally in the middle of nowhere and nothing was coming up anytime soon either. So with no other option, we pulled off the highway into a carpark area. We got him out of the car, he looked around and started to totally freak out, because he didn’t see a toilet anywhere. My husband told him that he can just go ahead and pee quickly and then we can leave. Here is how the conversation went,
- Husband: “Ok buddy, there are no bathrooms anywhere around here. Since you’re a big boy now and you can pee standing up, you can pee right here. Mommy and I will cover you so you have privacy, so just go ahead and pee.”
- Little Man: “OUTSIDE? NO WAY!”
- Husband: “It’s ok. There is no reason to be scared, Mommy and I will protect you, and you will be done super quick.”
- Little Modest Man: “I NOT GONNA PEE OUTSIDE! SOMEBOLY IS GONNA SEE MA BINNESS!”
- Me: “Honey, there is no bathroom anywhere, you have to pee right here. No one can see you!”
- Little Annoying Dude who refuses to cooperate: “NO WAY!! I HOLD IT. I NO PEE OUTSIDE. I NEED A TOYYET”.
- Husband and I trying to keep our cool: “If you don’t pee outside RIGHT NOW, you will have to hold it for a long time. If you pee in your car seat, it will be wet for the whole trip.”
- The Boss: “I HOLD IT. I HOLD MY BINNESS!!”
So because a three-year old can win any battle of wills, we proceeded to get right back in the van, and drive like respectable maniacs looking for anything with a toilet and – wait for it - the three year old proceeded to pee his pants.
The joys of toilet training are not wasted on me. (Someone get me a lemon)
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
my dood calls it his package or unit. and if his sissy’s see his unit he just smiles and says..yoook it’s ma big unit! lol…
great post, I feel ya, he is almost 3 loves the piss in the pullup game! we’ll see i think he likes the “fireman” game…for those who don’t know…put a tealight in your toilet and light it. tell your man he is a fireman and he has to put the flame out with his “hose” get it….!!!!
lol
danon
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OK, this totally had me laughing — and then the fireman game really made me laugh!! I think a lot of adult guys would love that game.
Oh – and I”m going to Blogher – can I be on your list?
Toilet training my son was an absolute nightmare. However my daughter (who is only 16 months) is a potty champ and starting using the potty a few months ago. (Using the potty was completely her own idea btw, she crawled down the hall one day dragging the potty seat behind her and so for fun I plopped her on it and away she went. Awesome!)
I haven’t ventured into the peeing standing up territory with my son yet (he’s 3). He seems happy to sit down and really that’s alright with me.
Ohhh, the joys of boys and potty training. Hysterical about holding his binness! my boys? Loooooooove peeing outside. Love it. To the point of embarrassment. But eh – they’re little. They have time to learn. :p
I also hate toilet training. Worst part of parenting so far. Mine have all been reluctant to learn, but none more so than my oldest. Love that your little man was so modest at such a young age. My boys look for opportunities to pee outside!
OH NO! His poor bisness!
We made one of ours pull over and POOP on the side of the road once!
yeah I hate potty training too!
i detes it too. and i dread doing it again with the baby. so yes i agree with you…the one thing i hate and dread doing is potty training!
Of course that would happen…we bribed my 3 1/2 year old with a KISS concert…yes you heard me correctly, a KISS concert. It didn’t win us any parent of the year awards, but we had a potty trained 3 year old and that was all that mattered at the time.
Haha! Awww. Funny, I don’t have this problem at all. My 4 year old will pee anywhere. In fact last summer, he completely embarrassed the crap out of me and peed down a slide at a park where there were lots of moms and their children there. I wanted to bury my head in the sand. He’ll pee outside no matter the weather. No shame, I tell ya!
Oh my, I just had a flashback to all the joys of teaching a little boy how to use the potty. It’s also amazing how pretty normal acting grown adults suddenly talk constantly about the bathroom when their child is being potty trained.
– Did he go?
– Whatcha gotta do?
– Do you need to potty?
– Did he poo poo today?
You know how it goes! Bless all Moms of boys for the potty training.
I do have to say, my Little Buddy was all about peeing anywhere and everywhere.
I’m with ya…potty training suck. But now my boys love to show off the binness everywhere. Look at my penis as they run naked through the house shaking it every which way. If they’re still doing this when they’re teenagers, I’m moving out.
Stopping by from SITS!
Alex aka Ma What’s For Dinner?
http://www.mawhats4dinner.com
I am so scared of potty training. So very very afraid. The poop is getting scarier and scarier by the minute. I have to do it! He’s a bit young though. My guy will be two in May.
So happy my boys are older, and toilet trained but I do remember the challenges, and the clean up!
Thanks for the much needed laugh tonight. I’m so not looking forward to Scooby Doo’s potty training.
Lmbo I needed this giggle. As a mom to 3 boys I have heard it called everything..but being in the country mine learned the joys of peeing outside rather early lol..
LMAO Ain’t that the truth! Potty training does suck big lemons. It has got to be a worse stage than the terrible two tantrums. At least, when your kids starts throwing a tantrum jumping up and down in the middle of a grocery store because he/she wants a cookie, you can walk away and not deal with it. But that’s not the case when you’re potty training. The toilet duty falls solely on the mom. It’s a sh*tty job, but someone has got to do it. Lucky us.
Kids go when they are ready. How funny after all the battles, your son would only pee on a toilet?! I have to admit, I love Pull-Ups. They were/are a saving grace for my girls. Maybe in the end, they made my a lazy mom or my girls potty train later, but I don’t care. I’m proud to be a slacker mom with dry children. They entered kindergarten wearing dry panties.
Great stuff here! Visiting from Harriet and Friends
LMAO. That is the funniest thing ever! My son is not shy at all. And would run around the house naked most of the time… I had to make a rule where he had to have underwear on mainly because I have a large window that goes right to the floor at the front of my house and didn’t really want him flashing the neighbors.
Potty training sucked, but man I’m sure glad its done. Road trips sucked one time we had to pull over quickly so that my son could pee and I had him aim at the truck tire (mainly so he wouldn’t pee on himself). After that I had to convince him that it was only a one time thing and he couldn’t do it other times.
Stopping by from SITS!
Your story made me laugh! Thx!
very funny. and timely for me. we just got done potty training our BBG triplets. i’m proud to say that by 2-1/2 they’ve all pretty much gotten it down, only rocking the pull-up whenever they go nite nite. it wasn’t easy though. and we’ve yet to go on a road trip, but we’ve got one coming up in a few weeks. i suppose we’ll make room for the plastic potties in addition to all the damn stuff that comes w/ taking three toddlers and an eight year old to the beach.
Dang it! Why didn’t somebody tell me about the ‘fireman game’. Would have saved me so many gray hairs!!! SITSgirls, wish you could have been around in the ’90s for me.
Anyway, cute post, and I’m so very glad to have graduated from the potty mess that is toilet training.
Oh…Potty Training is SOOOOO my nemisis!
http://insearchofmeinmommy.blogspot.com/2010/02/pesky-potty-problems.html
I relate so too well!
That is a funny story, in hindsight of course! I am kind of dreading toilet training my soon-to-be 2-year-old. With my daughter, I found I was always washing the floor what with her random peeing in all corners of the house that didn’t have a potty. Anyway, thanks for the add on Mom Central. Nice to meet a fellow mom blogger!
Oh, we are SO there right now! The girls had their challenges but at least they wanted to try. So far nothing is a motivator for the boy to do it.
Gahhhhhh! A friend and I were just talking about potty training the other day. My daughter is 15 months old (well, 12 months corrected since she was born 3 months premature). We’re nowhere near ready yet, but my friend’s son is. Boy, the stories she and her husband have been telling us about potty training sure make for good blog fodder!
Surfed in via Mom Central’s Majesta Moms group.
Haha… I had my oldest girl trained at 2. Then she fell in the potty fully clothed showing grandma how she sits on the potty. It took me 6 months to convince her to sit on the potty again!
This is hysterical, but would be much funnier if I wasn’t living it with my 3 year old right now!!!
Oh yes, toilet training is sooooo much fun
btw. I love that your site is optimized for mobile viewing. It is one of the few I can easily read on my I-phone while I nurse d2.
SO CUTE!! Oh, what I have to look forward to! Stopping by from SITS
OMG, I am cracking up. “I GOLLA PEE!” I love it.
Hands down, road trips are the worst. However, my boy doesn’t care who sees his equipment (and I’m pretty sure he would show anyone what it looks like when it’s “big” — OMG) and one of my fondest memories is watching my husband help my boy pee standing up for the first time on the shoulder of a mountain highway. I giggled and took a million pictures like a total maniac.
Hilarious! I’ve dealt with my share of potty training frustration. Thankfully my boys loved the opportunity to pee outside and I was grateful for the ease with which boys could in fact pee at any kind of roadside stop, lol!
SO not looking forward to this stage!
Potty training SCARES ME.
I’d probably cheat and let him where a pull up in the car for long trips though…
Oh boy, toilet training sucks. I finally let daycare do it for Noah, and he was still fighting it and have shit accidents at six. And seriously, when do they start doing their own paperwork? Because I am not wiping his 7 year old ass! Something died inside my childs GI system and I’m not getting close to it no matter how much I love him!
On the good side, he has this horrible fear of public restrooms, so for many years on our travels we would take a urinal with us and he’d do it in the van. We forgot one year and he had no problems dropping trou by the side of the road and letting it fly. I let the hubs deal with it and pretty much pretend I don’t know them. I’m a good mother that way.