I didn’t sleep well last night – obviously. I woke up with anger and anxiety, which sucks quite frankly. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I got to the school, although a million and one scenarios played in my head. After I dropped off my son to his classroom, I went to the principals office. I assumed she knew why I was there – but she didn’t. She had NO idea. No one had told her a thing. Great.
So I sat down and told her everything. She’s one of those people that have this nervous smile/laugh, that is great unless you’re telling her about your son who was assaulted on her watch. I told her how I felt, I told her that I wanted severe consequences, that I needed assurance that the parents would be involved in some valuable way. She asked if my son had “done anything” to bring it about, if he was “involved” in any way - I’m not sure what a 6 year old can do exactly to bring about a full on assault by two other kids. She told me that she would have to deal with it after lunch because all the grade ones were away in the morning. So I waited for a phone call, and she finally called at 5:00 p.m.
She played out what she gathered happened by talking to the kids who were there, the teachers and the yard duty teachers. First of all, the yard duty teachers saw nothing. NOTHING. When I told her how ridiculous it was that no one saw a group of kids stand around watching 2 kids pummel on one, she didn’t respond. Really, what could she say. She said that she had talked to all the parents and that they were beyond mortified and horrified that their children did such a thing. The parents were surprised that it escalated to such violence, when their children have never shown any violent behaviour before this. Now, I don’t know the one boy, since he is in the other grade one class, but the one I do know, I’m not surprised that he picked my son to target. I’ve seen him pick on him before – with my own eyes. I have felt the need, in the past, to be at the school during recess, and watch my son from the street, and saw him being picked on by this kid, over and over again. Even when my son tried to walk away, the kid kept at it following him around. My son’s mistake was not telling anyone when it did happen, trying instead to handle it himself.
Both kids were given a ONE DAY suspension that they will carry out at school, in the principal’s office. ONE DAY. I was mistaken when I said that the school has a zero tolerance policy – evidently it doesn’t. Instead, they practice something called gradual discipline(?) – so basically, the more a kid acts out, the more severe the punishment. Because neither of these kids had been caught doing anything wrong in the past, they can only do so much. However, because of the severity of the assault, she was forced to do more. Each child will also be kept inside during recess period in order to earn back the trust they lost. These are her words by the way – not mine. She told me that one child was completely remorseful, crying and the lot, while the other one bragged about how good he was at beating kids up. A SIX YEAR OLD.
They also are meant to apologize verbally and in written form to my son. When they attempted to verbally apologize to him today, he told them and the principal that he was not ready to hear it. That’s my baby.
And that’s that. The school year ends on the 26th – seven more school days left. She told me that the discipline process would continue until the end of the year. That there would be formal letters given to the parents and put into their files. Am I satisfied with that? I don’t know – not really. Do I expect to hear from the parents? If it was the other way around, I would have contacted them immediately. I would have marched my kid over to their home to apologize to his victim and the parents, to ensure that he understood the severity of the situation and that that kind of behaviour would not fly. But that’s just me. Had my son told on the one boy who teased him and picked on him, every time it happened, then there would have been a file on this boy, so instead of the principal and teacher constantly feeling the need to tell me HOW SURPRISED THEY WERE by his behaviour, they would know that the kid was actually a little shit.
My advice to every mom/dad out there based on what I have experienced over the last 24 hours? Make sure your child knows that they can come to you with anything and everything, no matter what it is. Make sure they know that they need to tell their teacher every time they are hurt, teased, bullied, both physically and mentallyby another student, so that there is a record. As your child’s parent, you are their best and only true advocate – put public opinion, reputation and friendship aside when it comes to what is best for your child. If you read the comments from the original post below, you will see story after story of bullying that people or their children have endured. It makes me sick to my stomach to read them and know that kids are scared to go to school because of what other kids may do to them. What is happening? It’s ridiculous. It is total and utter bullshit.
Finally, I really want to say a quick thank you to every single person who commented and tweeted and reached out to me so that I wouldn’t feel so alone in this. I cannot fully express how grateful I am, and how much I needed it. If anyone, ever doubted the power of blogging, of tweeting, of social media – just think about those moments when you are supported and held by so many of these amazing virtual people, whom you may not have even met otherwise. You made all the difference.
~~ ORIGINAL POST~~
I pick my son up from school every day. He sees me waiting for him, and runs like crazy toward me, so happy to come home. His smile is always the biggest when he knows he’s coming home for the day.
I don’t blame him.
Last week, a 7 year old who is in the other grade one class, and who was also his best friend in SK, told him he was going to kill him. He was also pulled, pushed, kicked and chased around the field, by him and another boy, as he tried to get away from them.
Today, my 6 year old son was outside at recess when two other grade one kids, started chasing him again. Because he’s asthmatic, my guy can’t run very fast. They caught up with him and pushed him down and started kicking him. They kicked him in the stomach, the groin, and continuously in the neck, while a group of kids watched. Only one boy yelled at them to stop, and they didn’t. It didn’t stop until the bell rang and the kids dispersed. Despite there being supposed yard duty teachers on site, no adult was there to stop what was happening to my 6 year old.
So, today, when my 6 year old ran toward me, his teacher was right behind him and I knew something was wrong. She told me what happened, and I could literally feel my blood pressure rise as my son held onto me tightly. She was very matter of fact, and without an ounce of compassion in her voice. When I mentioned that I would be back tomorrow, to talk to the principal (who was absent), she told me that both boys apologized and would miss recess tomorrow. That is their punishment? Missing recess? This is supposedly a no tolerance school, and yet this kind of thing happens all the time. For some reason, my son is a target, and constantly teased, and yet when I tell the teachers, they respond that they cannot believe that the other boys would act out in that way. When my son defends himself, they simply say that he was also guilty of being “bad”. It’s a no-win situation – for a six year old boy.
I hate this shit. I go blue in the face day in and day out, making sure that my son knows right from wrong, has good manners, and is respectful. If it was my kid who did something like this to another kid, you bet your ass there would be severe consequences.
Tomorrow, I’m going to the school to get answers, and I will go to the school board if I don’t like what I hear. It is going to take everything in me to not approach those kids and tell them to stay the hell away from my son. Of course, if I did that, I would be the one in trouble – because that’s just the way it is.
My son spent the afternoon lying on the couch, burying his head in the pillows, on the verge of tears. I could hear him mumbling quietly to himself saying, “but why? but why?” When I tried to comfort him, he would look at me with this look of utter sadness, and just ask, “But why did he do that to me, mommy? I didn’t do anything to him? Why did he do it to me?”
“I don’t know”, I say.
“What’s gonna happen now, Mommy?” he asked me later on this evening.
“I don’t know, bunny,” I say.” I don’t know.”
Short of being on the field during each recess, I have no idea how to protect my son from these six year old bullies, and that thought makes me sick to my stomach.
{ 114 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh my heart aches for him and for you. Kids are just so cruel, and it shocks me that it begins at such a young age. My own is 19 months and I shudder to think what’s in store for her in the future. I hope you will get your answers tomorrow and some kind of peace of mind from these adults in school who are supposed to keep the kids safe!
I am so, so sorry. No kid should have to go through that, especially at 6 years old when everyone is supposed to be friends. I mean, it’s all coloring and cartoons, what do they have to be so angry about?
I am speechless. I cannot believe the school ‘allowed” this to happen. That there wasn’t someone there to stop it. To watch out for it. To prevent it. It would take every ounce of me to not go to these boys’ parents and smack them across the face. To not shake the shit out of the boys themselves. How are we supposed to teach our children right from wrong when they are SO wronged?
I wish there was something I could say or do. Just know I’m shaking my head with you. Hoping something can be done about this. Hoping your son is ok and you can get through this together.
This breaks my heart. I hope to God that this gets resolved tomorrow. I can not imagine the pain you are going through as a Mommy. I hurt for you.
Oh Maria..
This makes me so sad, and angry, and sad, and then very angry again. SO young. And SO unnecessary. And I cannot believe it was handled that way. I hope at least the kids parents were notified… Keep us posted. Will be thinking of you and your little guy.
Wow, Maria…I don’t even know where to begin. I am floored that it is happening so young, yet, when I think about it, it started for me in Grade 2. There is a major flaw in the school system in how this “incidents” get dealt with. When I was young, it was my teacher who was making my life a living hell…and if it wasn’t for my mom (the only one who believed my side of the story), I don’t know what would have happened. Though there is no way to protect him all the way through elementary, and then high school…you’re doing the right thing by showing the school what a big deal this is. It is sickening how teachers and administration use the “kids will be kids” excuse when bullying is not something to be mistaken. Keep us posted on how this all turns out…I’m dying to know how they handle it.
Tell your little guy to hang in there…from personal experience, it DOES get better. Until then, just do your best to survive.
My heart is breaking for both of you. I’m crying. I know how this goes Maria. I was bullied to. It’s a terrible, no good situation. But he has you in his court and he will turn to you when he needs and you will be there to love and support him. In the meantime, you raise some he’ll woman! This cannot be tolerated. Hugs, big, big hugs to both of you.
If I were you I talk to the principle and the school board to find out why nobody saw this happening and why nobody acted sooner – (like, hello? 6 years old… the second another boy started attacking a teacher should have been there in a heartbeat!) AND I think you should have been called right away. Did he cry when it first happened? Sorry, maybe you said so, I read this quickly as Dimitry was taking apart my martini glasses cabinet.
They should have called you. If you know the name of the boys which I insist you find out, call their moms too. This is sick, and wayyyyy too much for a mom not to get involved. This has gone too far; your son does not deserve this. No, really. I would be there at recess and I would talk to the other kids too. I would say (and I’m sorry I don’t care if anyone thinks I’m wrong) “Do not EVER touch my child again, or else.” And leave it at that. That sucks, I’m sorry.
I totally agree that you should have been called immediately – this is not an issue to be dealt with “after school” hours.
Ugh. This is a big fear of mine. I have NO idea how I’d handle something like this since I was bullied as a kid (although, never like what your little guy went through today).
One thing that I think is important, though, is that our kids know it is 100% ok (with mom and dad) to fight back if possible. Who cares if they get suspended or in trouble at school so long as mommy and daddy have their back? It’s one of the things that set the bullied apart from the bullies: they don’t fight back because they’re properly socialized, sensitive to others, and want to please authority. So maybe if we give kids their power back to fight (even if they lose) it might help their little hearts feel stronger and might dissuade the bullies in the future. I know that it might have helped me stand up to those kids had I known it wasn’t the end of the world to get suspended or in trouble in class.
I dunno. This just sucks ass.
I am SO sorry he had to go through that today. What a nightmare. Good luck tomorrow!
(HUG)
Also, I was terribly bullied in grade 7, we even got the cops involved. Boy did that girl Melva want to be my BFF after that.
Also find another school for your children!
This is completely wrong. You do need to go to the school board, for sure. This should not happen. I’m a teacher and a parent of a six year old boy (who also gets teased, but nothing like this yet, he is just finishing SK), and I would never tolerate this in my school. A yard duty teacher should really see this if they are doing their job – if it is a big yard, there should be several teachers on duty (this is the case in many Ottawa schools I have worked in).
My heart just breaks for you, and I think you’re doing everything right at this point. It is so hard on us as parents. My fear is that this will happen to my son too (he is much smaller than kids in his class, and quite underweight) and my gut tells me I might pull him from school and start home-schooling him. Kids are so ridiculously mean sometimes I cannot believe it. What are these other kids’ parents doing and thinking? Really – get involved in parenting your kids.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I wish you the best of luck in getting it all resolved. Take that anger and channel it at the school, the principal, and the board.
p.s. if there is any way I can help you, please let me know. I have been involved in this as a teacher and a parent, and have seen how the process can work. Any tips I can share or offer, I would love to.
i hear you and your frustration.
my son dealt with it as well. in a very serious way.
even threatened suicide at school in grade 5.
my lovely, well mannered, smart, charming, funny, quirky, gentle boy.
it does them no favours to be so sweet.
and schools can do jack shit about any of it.
however, with our support – constant – and continued advocacy, we got him through the last two years of elementary school…and then he chose to switch school systems to enter a school where he knew NO ONE. started socially from scratch in grade 7.
we never got satisfactory results from the school, on every level, even with the support of a teacher. and a principal that liked us. they could not get a handle on the bully. he was a smart little brat.
it was the best thing he/we ever did. and i was scared. he met up with a great bunch of kids, with whom he remains tight with today, in grade 9, where he is well liked, academically successful and happy. he is very, very happy. this is so important.
and the brat who tortured him relentlessly…well, at the beginning of this year? he apologized to my son. it blew my mind. and my son? forgave him. and now? is the one standing up for him, when he is called names ( my son is now 5’11…this guy a very feminine 5’5…you can imagine how this plays out at school…karma, maybe, but i don’t feel good about it coming back on him…).
okay. i can’t stop on this subject. it broke my heart for so long.
hug your little guy, let him know that you love him dearly, and that you will do everything to protect him.
something that worked for us? you go to school and inform them that he will not be returning until you see that the boys have been made aware of the consequences of their behaviour. apology letters to your son, and their parents being informed. the parents will be upset, and likely not believe it, but it needs to be documented. have your son write a letter to the principal, explaining what happened and how he feels. and have copies put in your son’s file for next year’s teachers to read, if the bullying continues in september.
yeah, they are going to think you are a royal pain in the ass. who cares.
hugs to you and your boy.
I am so terribly sorry your son had to experience this!!! I live in a neighbouring community to you (Belleville Area) and I am a teacher in the area. I find this totally irresponsible on behalf of the staff at your son’s school. I teach here, and by law school’s are required to act one this (not that they do!) Stand up for your son, I would talk to the principal, talk to the parents, do what you have to do to ensure your son is safe. The fact no teacher saw this is just ridiculous! They were probably too busy chatting and not paying attention!
Here is the link to the Ontario’s Safe Schools bill that was recently passed in July 09. You will find information for parents on what to do if your child is being bullied, and more information about school procedure. You can also request to see your school’s “code of conduct” and “bullying procedure” (this may be found on the board website)
I hope these boys learn their lesson and that your son is no longer bullied and afraid to go to school. I am terrified to see you young children this age bullying others, we as mother’s and as a society need to put at stop to this!!!
I am CRYING for you! I can’t even imagine this. It’s making me sick and ANGRY. We just want to protect our young and in these situations we can feel so helpless.
I hope the board does something severe to those boys and I hope their parents get pulled in.
HOW UNREAL.
{{{HUGS}}}
I would be so livid. I hope the principal can help this situation. These boys didn’t learn from this situation. There needs to be consequences for their actions or they will bully again. I hope these kids are suspended for a few days, hopefully getting mom and dad involved by making their kids stay home, will help make these kids realize they can’t do this.
I’m completely baffled by the blase attitude of the school. Perhaps you might have more success trying to work with the parents than the school?
I know it will be hard but try to go to the principal calmly. Trust me when I tell you you will get much further. Ask questions such as the number of “yard monitors” that are suppose to be on duty, how many were there that day, what is the normal response to such incidents, how many such incidents happen in the school each year. Then, ask exactly what the principal intends to do about this incident and to these boys. Take suggests with you – anti-bullying programs that are available in your area, character education programs, punishments, etc. I hate to sound cold but if your son has bruises, be sure to take photos.
I am so sorry this happened to your son and if the principal does not answer your questions to your satisfaction, make an appointment with the district superintendent. If that does not help or satisfy, go to the school board.
You have no idea how much I can relate to this post right now. But you’re doing the right thing – you need to go to the school and speak with the teachers and principal. But you also need to speak to the parents of these kids. It’s quite possible they have no idea what’s going on – and they may be horrified to find out. The other possibility is that they won’t care. But advocate for your son on all levels – there’s definitely flaws at your son’s school – but it needs to be taken to the parents too.
Poor little guy – my heart goes out to both him and you (I know the rage of which you speak)
my son is asthmatic too, when he turned three he swims everyday. that really helped, one asthma attck last year.
i always tell my son that if someone bully him, he should defend himself. but sometimes i can’t help it. i admit that i have talked with a lot of kids (showing them that i am really mad) who i saw bullying my son and yes they do stop after ive had a talk with them
Oh man, this made me cry for your son. I’m so sorry your little guy had to go through that. Bully’s are so mean and I hope you kick some school butt tomorrow. This is absolutely unacceptable. Now go have a stiff drink. xo
My heart is breaking for you. There is no excuse ever for anyone to be treated like that. I wouldn’t allow my three year old to kick someone so why are seven year olds allowed to do this. It makes me furious for your son. I am just shaking with anger, wishing there was something I could do for you both.
My heart goes out to you and your son. This is terrible, I am just sick for you.
Hope that you get results tomorrow. The teachers MUST get involved and stop this.
First off, I’m sorry this happened to your son. Awful awful awful. Now it’s being compounded by a blase attitude of the teacher. Maria you have to put on your big girl panties and deal with this. Read the Ontario Safe Schools act. Go into the school tomorrow when the principal is back and demand to know what they are going to do to adequately address the assault on your child. And make sure it never happens again. The reality of the teaching contract is that they are only legally required to do so many minutes per week of yard supervision. Depending on the size of the school this can make yard supervision a really sketchy time. So recess is a prime time for bullying, as are bus trips. Follow up with a written email to the principal reiterating what was said at the meeting. Make sure you CC your school trustee. It is an election year afterall.
Whether or not you get an satisfaction at the school level remains to be seen. So what else can you do? Get your child into a martial arts discipline that will teach him confidence and give him the physical tools to defend himself. Tell him that while you never want him to be the one to be physical first you don’t expect him to be a victim either. Empower him to feel safe.
Been there done that. Twice in fact. But both times it has been resolved to our satisfaction. I hope you get the same outcome. Be strong and advocate for your son.
SO pissed for you. My friend Maria C. on Facebook just recently went through this with her daughter (although she was in gr. 6 & 7 at the time) but she also was extremely frustrated with the school and saw the school board and eventually the superintendant, as well as the police. Please let me know if you would like me to put you in touch with her.
My six year old had a bully problem in kindergarten this year. He came home with a huge bruise on his head from being pushed over into a desk and bite marks on his legs. And no one seems to be able to do anything about it. They best they could do is “recommend” putting him and his torturer in separate classes next year.
I wish you guys the best of luck with this. I know how aggravating it is. I’ve never wanted to hit another person’s child so much in my life.
This is incredibly horrible. 6 YEARS OLD. Maria – SO sorry your child and you have to go through this. Absolutely make your voice loud and clear to everyone who will listen to SMARTEN UP.
So angry and sad for you and this experience.
I am so sorry. It is so heartbreaking to hear what happened to your son. I hope you can get some real answers tomorrow. As a parent it is the hardest thing in the world to see your child hurt. We went through bullying with Chelsea this year and it was so hard. Here for you if you need me!
As a former teacher, current educational coach and a parent, I am SO sad to hear that this happened to your son. Sad, but not surprised. In my expereince, schools are great at passing “no tolerance” policies, but not great at enforcing them. The attacker should have immediately been removed from the classroom and you should have been immediately notified of what happened. An incident report should have been filed (and may have been – ask and request a copy).
I agree with Nicki that a calm approach with the principal is best. However, don’t let him/her mistake your calm for acceptance. Let them know that this is unacceptable – you’d like to know where the breakdown in procedure happened and how it will be fixed.
If you are not satisfied with the principal’s responses, the next move would be to seek out the Superintendent, then the school board. I have seen a casual mention of going to the press with the story result in much swifter and appropriate action than going to the school board. No district wants to be under that kind of scrutiny, especially when they so clearly messed up!
My thoughts are with you and your son tomorrow!
-Maureen
This breaks my heart. N is such a sweetheart and it makes me so sad to think he’s hurting because of these kids. Really.
This should never have happened. Ever. It should have been prevented. Stopped. Reported to you right away. I cannot believe they didn’t call you after it happened. He is 6. He needed his mom.
My mind is still racing with expletives.
Oh I was so sad to read this. You’ve received so much great advice in the previous comments, I don’t have much to add. Stay strong … for you and for your little guy!
This is a disgusting act by those kids. No child should have to go through that!
When you meet with the Principal tomorrow (Demand it!) maybe take some notes with you to help you stay focused. Determine what you want the outcome to be. Were the bullies parents notified? How were they notified?Is it really standard practice for a vicious attack like this oto only have the offenders miss “a” recess?
I know it will be difficult not to get too emotional and I think that emotions are fine to show, just don’t let it get in your way of what you want as an outcome. Hopefully you have a strong Principal who will not put up with this and the only reason something like this happened was because s/he was away today!
Good luck tomorrow! Don’t back down!!!
When you meet with the principal you should demand a meeting with the parents of the children who bullied your little boy. The meeting should be held with the principal present, all the parents of the children involved and the teachers who were on yard duty that day. This incident needs to be openly discussed amongst all of you and changes need to be made.
Bullying in the school yard is NOT a right of passage for children.
You cannot control how the parents of the children who bullied your son will discipline their children but you can control how the school should re-act to such needless and damaging situations.
If you can’t get the principal to agree to this meeting, by all means report him to the school board but also call your local paper and tell them that you have a story to tell. Then tell the principal that you have done so.
Hey Maria – same thing happened to us with Douglas in grade one – with a good friend in the neighborhood. Turns out he was not a good friend at school – made it very confusing for the poor kid. Like your experience, teacher did not see the whole incident and school had strict zero tolerance policy. My guy was getting choked and finally punched the kid in the face. Well, good for him I say! But then they wanted to suspend my son!! BIGGEST WORD OF ADVICE – GET YOUR HUSBAND TO DO ALL THIS WITH YOU!!! (It might be hard if he is travelling) I think too often, teachers and principals think it is whiny mommy coming crying that her baby is being picked on. We emailed a 2 page letter to the principal and teacher, got parents of the other kid involved, (Took pictures of the welts on his neck!) and everything came from the two of us. Doug was there for the big “meeting” and I really think the atmosphere was totally different. It becomes a less emotional thing – because he never actually said a word! – but his presence implied it was not just mommy going of her rocker.
It is frustrating when you raise good kids and at some point you need to tell them that there are shitty people out there. And even tell them to stick up for themselves physically if they have to. We have had a few experiences here and it is sad to say my 3 boys all want to move again because they understand that the kids are not nice. It makes me want to cry for the end of innocence and all. Why can’t kids just enjoy and play and laugh? I’m so sorry for what happened to your family. Thinking of you.
My heart sank deeper and deeper as I read this. It’s just not right and I’m so sorry that this is happening to your son and your family. Good luck with your meeting tomorrow. I hope that this is the last time something like this happens to your child (or any child.) I just can’t wrap my mind around how schools continually let it occur.
I feel for your son and for you. I was horribly teased, tormented, and pushed around in elementary school. To the point where I want to home school my own son to save him that type of humiliation. Those children need to really learn it isn’t ok to hurt and humiliate and spending 1 recess inside isn’t a punishment that fits the crime. Teach these kids young that it isn’t ok to hurt others or else they will never learn. You said the boy used to be a friend of your son is there any way you could call his mom? I don’t blame you for wanting to tell them to stay the hell away from your son I would want to too. Hope tomorrow goes better.
You need to look into your districts bullying policy. Many of them are zero tolerance and most of these things that have happened warrant swift action. I am so sorry for what happened to your son. It makes my blood boil.
It almost makes you wonder if teaching them the RIGHT way to behave is hurting them in these situations. My middle son is very sensitive. He is super fit, adorable, and smart. But he can’t seem to fit in. He hasn’t been hurt or threatened. But he has been belittled and teased. It made me want to kick 7 year old ass.
I hope you get some answers tomorrow.
I’m so sorry this happened to your son (and you). I actually cried reading your post because almost the same exact thing happened to my son in first grade. Needless to say, we now homeschooling (for the time being). Such a sad situation. My heart aches for you.
My heart breaks for your son and I am livid for you.
I can’t believe that this bullying crap starts that young…
Your son should feel safe while he’s at school…I can’t believe you weren’t notified when it happened.
That is not OK and missing one recess as a punishment? Makes my stomach turn.
Oh I so hear you. My heart broke last year when my daughter had a bully in her junior kindergarten class. I could not believe that it could start so young. At one point she wanted to start to break and destroy his things in class so that he would know how it felt. After he shoved her into the hot rad at school and burnt her had I knew how she felt. Especially after the substitute teacher said she should have known not to get close to the rad. Then last year when my 2 year old was told to move it or ‘I’m warning you you’ll get your head bashed in’ in a playground by an 8 year old I was shocked again, but let me tell you I did not let that kid go without a word or two. Funny, when the kid when to his mommy to tell her what I said to him she looked at me, but didn’t feel she needed to followup.
Now I read your post and you bring me back to how I felt back then and my heart breaks for you both.
We can only teach our kids that bullying is not right, fighting is not necessary, we can all be better than that if we try to be good people. And yes, I believe we can look a little kid in the eye and tell him no one likes a bully.
Wow. So sorry for your son…it is a difficult thing to understand for sure, for both child and parent. I applaud you for keeping your cool in a maddening situation. I look forward to hearing what the school and the school board plans to do to make sure this never happens again to your son or any other child in the school. I just don’t see how missing recess for one day is enough to make these children understand what they did was wrong and hurtful. I hope you get the answers that you and your son deserve and I certainly think the parents of the other children should be brought in on this discussion of bullying.
So sorry to hear that you are going through this and that your little man has had to go through this. I has an incident where bigger boys took something of my boys and he went to the yard teacher on duty and asked for help THREE times and she told him to tell them to give them back. Um hello he’s 7 (then 6) and they were grade 3′s. You can guess where I was the next day. The principals office and with him picking them out of school pictures where he pointed at all 3. The end result was that he did not get the items back and I have had to make the decision that he is not allowed to take any items to school anymore. Sp in essence I had to punish him for the actions of these brats.
Thankfully that has been about the extent of it but regardless the school failed to protect him when he needed it. There have been other instances at the school with other friends kids with about the same result. Our school is apparently low tolerance not no tolerance.
Might I suggest registering him in Karate or some martial art. They teach the kids how to protect themselves when and if required and they teach them that they are only to use it in self defence not just to run amuck kicking the crap out of other kids but at least he would have the tools to protect himself when these little buggers decide that they are going to pull one of these stunts.
ALSO document everything and make sure to engage in conversation until they (the school) is listening. If they don`t then you take it to the next level and then to the one after that if they don`t listen at that level.
Good luck Maria.
Wisconsin Mommy and pinkcb have great advice. Definitely call it what it is–an assault. “Picked on” and “bullied” are now considered throw-away incidents; personally, I think this is a flat-out assault. Also consider letting the school know that you are prepared to consider your “legal remedies” if you feel it’s appropriate; after all, if *you* were assaulted, wouldn’t you consider doing so? I have never understood why, when it happens in the schools, it isn’t treated as such. Of course, this involves little kids, but they have caused serious trauma for your child.
Also, I’d ask if the parents of the bullies were notified about what happened, and if the school will be having a conference with them.
I hope I am not sounding melodramatic. I’m not a knee-jerk parent, or one who fights all my kids’ battles…but what is going to happen when these kids grow up if all they get is no recess one time?
Defend your baby to the last. Go to the principal. If he/she doesn’t tell you what you want to hear, go to the superintendent. If you don’t get answers there, the school board. Call in the press if you have to. Raise a big mess and do not, DO NOT, for one second, back down until you are satisfied that your child will be safe at school. We are our childrens’ biggest advocates and it sucks when we have to step up to the plate, but if no one else will do it, we must. I will keep you in my prayers and I will be waiting to hear how things went. I know another blog friend of mine had a similar problem not too long ago. Several of us wrote emails to the principal and superintendent and that got things fixed REAL fast, as in that afternoon. If you need that, you let me know, I’ll get those wheels turning for you!
Maria,
I’m crying into my lap as I read this, and I’m horrified. Absolutely horrified. My son is in kindergarten, and it kills me to think of him next year suffering this kind of treatment at the hands of other children. Six years old? I will have a hard enough time dealing with it if it happens at 10 or 14 or 16…but 6? It’s sickening that there wasn’t a teacher with an eye on the kids (that’s one question), sickening that the boys would think this is okay to do (another question) and also upsetting that they chose to tell you at the end of the school day as your son ran towards you. What was the rest of his day like? How did they handle it with him? the other kids? who was the first adult your son had contact with?
I agree, if I ever found out my kid was involved in something like this I would be so shocked and there would absolutely be consequences. Missing recess doesn’t even come close. Get all the facts you can from your son, from the teacher and yes, talk to whoever you have to and as long as you have to. You are right to want to protect your son from this. This…is not kids working it out, or a group misbehaving, or all getting out of hand. This…is a group of kids beating up on another kid while he couldn’t defend himself.
I’m so sorry. What an awful day for you both. Mama, go pour yourself a glass of wine and fill the tub. You’ll need some zen so you can sleep, and so you don’t eat someone for breakfast. Though I think they deserve it. xo
I can’t believe the teachers are just brushing that off like that. Hopefully they give you some answers tomorrow! You should report this to the school board regardless if they aren’t going to take it seriously. Poor little guy……kids are soooo mean!!!!!!
If that’s the school’s woefully inadequate response, then they do NOT have a “no tolerance” policy in place in fact. They have a lot of lip flap amounting to a big fat nothing. This is simply NOT an acceptable situation, and I’ve read some great suggestions here about ways to bring the school to task. If this had happened at our school, parents would have been called and those boys would have had “in class suspension” at the least, and it would have gone on their record. Wow, I am so sorry your son has to go through this. People need to be made aware that letting those boys get away with this behavior does no one any favors. If they keep going down this path, these are the boys who are going to be attacking teachers in middle school, is that really the kind of citizens this school wants to produce? I know it’s tough, but did you document any bruises? Bring him to the doctor & have him checked for internal injuries? You might want to do that to really have ammunition if the school continues to stonewall you? Also you should have him tell you what happened and videotape it, put the camera to the side & ignore it so as not to focus on that part, but it should be told in his own words as close to the incident as possible while it’s fresh in his mind. If the school continues to do nothing you could maybe even blur out your kid’s face and put the video up on you tube, send it to the local TV station, try to shame the school into doing something. My son has occasionally been the target of some minor stuff (not near the level of your son) and my answer to his why has been that some people are just mean, and they tend to pick nice people to be mean to. Once again, my heart goes out to you and your son. He will get through this because he has him mom on his side, and he will always remember how you were there for him in all this. No one gets through life without some bad stuff happening to them, but being loved and supported through it all will make it OK in the end.
I was sick to my stomach reading this before I even read that at the end.
How are we supposed to protect our kids and keep them safe? My heart absolutely breaks for you. To try to understand that behaviour as an adult is hard enough, but for a sweet 6-year-old boy? .. *sigh* unreal…
Super, duper, big hugs.
This kind of school yard bullshit makes my blood boil. If it was me…I would march right up to those little bastards, get down to their level and very matter of a factly tall tem that they are no longer allowed to hurt my son and that if they feel it’s ok to hurt kids smaller than them, I can arrange for the same. I would have a dead cold look in my eyes. I woudnt touch or swear or outright threaten…but sure as shit…those little jerks would know I was not kidding. I wish I could get on a plane and fly out there and go with you. Take a friend or family member with you to keep you stable. A dead calm pissed off mom is way more scary than a stark raving mad mom. This has got to STOP! Go to the press, tv, whoever will listen. Use words like assault, abuse, culpability, court proceedings…when we say “bully” it lends an air of “children kids will be kids” and they think it will pass. We must use adult words for adult behavior and quit sticking up for the bullies.
I wonder what has to be happening to six year old boys in their home lives that allows them to think that this behaviour is okay on any level. My heart aches for your son and I support you in doing anything it takes to protect him, many of your commenters have made great suggestions but my heart also aches for a six year old boy who’s own life is so awful, be it experiencing bullying at home or simply neglect that causes this behaviour. Clearly something needs to be done for BOTH your son and the other children involved. It sucks. Just sucks on so many levels.
This needs to be shouted from the roof tops. Bullies suck.
Talk to anyone and everyone about this. Principal. School board. Trustee. Everyone.
I’m sending you huge hugs and an even bigger one for your son.
I don’t have any advice for you. I just wanted you to know that my heart aches for your little boy. I have a 5 year old and he often comes home upset that he got hit, or bitten, or teased. And it hurts me as much as it hurt them. On the other hand he has also gotten home with a note stating he was the one biting or hitting. As his parent I made sure that he had severe consequences (well, grounded for 3 days) and was drilled time and time again about right and wrong. All i can offer you is sympathy and some cheerleading. Because you are doing the right thing. The teachers at that school need to pay better attention. And better systems in place.
My heart breaks for you and your little guy. That the assault went on for as long as it did, with no adult noticing or stopping it, is unacceptable. As is no one calling you. AND the teacher’s “blame the victim” mentality. I hope you kick some serious ass tomorrow, and demand to know what they are going to do about the situation.
The kindergarteners have their own separate playground at my son’s school so it’s only the K classes out there. Earlier this year he came home every day for about a week complaining about a certain boy pushing him around. I complained to the teacher – the same one that’d called me several times about incidents, such as a parent complaining about him because he was talking to his kid too much during an assembly.
So I hoped she would be making a call to the boy’s parent. And you know what I was told by the teacher? 1) I can’t watch all 33 kids out in the playground 2) But (the other kid) is such a nice boy.
It didn’t stop. Finally I went into her classroom and I told her that we’d given our son permission to hit this kid back, and that he would NOT be getting in trouble for defending himself because clearly nothing was being done about it. Miraculously, the bullying then stopped. Maybe because the teacher knew that I was not effing around and I would raise holy Hell if something wasn’t done.
You have every right to be furious. Your son deserves to be in a safe environment, and that teacher needs to be educated.
Oh my gosh how awful! I understand you wanting to handle it through the teachers and school board but to be truthful with you – it might make the situation worse. There’s only one way to handle this situation and thats through fear. Fear speaks volumes and bullies thrive on intimidation but when the shoe is on the other foot they learn really quick what it feels like. Round up some bigger kids (cousins, higher grades, whatever) even pay them if you have to but get them to approach these boys and warn them against touching your son again. No violence or anything just make sure they state that the next time even a finger is laid on your son, they will be getting the same and more. You have to scare the crap out of these kids because if your son is labeled a rat by you trying to help the situation it could get much worse. Good luck and keep us updated.
Before you do anything…go see a lawyer FIRST. Go to see your principle and school board WITH your lawyer. Personal injury, human rights, civil liberties, you can find them in the phone book or at the legal aid office in your county headquarters. You don’t even need to threaten, voice or even insinuate that you are going to take “further” actions. But if need be, you have that venue established to build upon. Make sure to take pictures of the bruising and document the events as they occur with dated material. These people need to see this stuff compiled; because typically, they deal with it on a case-by-case basis. Out of sight, out of mind. They will always lay blame on you, your son, or the circumstances beyond thier control to save themselves first. And they will want to work you into the image of an unrational, unorganized, unsupportive, demanding parent. Know exactly what you want them to do, and get it in writing that they will comply with said agreements. Change his classrooms, change his recess time, and his lunch time. That alone helped me 90% of the time.
Because I loathed my Mom for sending me day-after-day to the Hell that was school for me. I was a quiet kid, that grew up with the southern addage that kids speak when they are spoken to. So…I was the perfect classroom “Buffer”. They actually have a term for it. They put the quiet kids in with the mean ones to buffer them. They called it balancing…but I never had a chance. It started for me in 3rd grade…then from 6-8th grade it was torture. I kept my head down, and grades at a “C” level. I did whatever it took to remain un-noticeable. I suffered thru high school until a fellow classmate punched the lights out of my main bully in a fight that didn’t concern me then…but rather later when they knew we were (actual) friends.
I don’t tell this to compare myself, but to give a view of what he may have to go thru growing up dealing with this. Sorry its so long, but your story just boils my blood. If anything, I have become quite the bully-victim advocate. It may get worse by you digging up “dirt” but no worse then not doing anything at all. Just follow thru with whatever you decide on. Have your son talk to free counseling if need be. Its not just the students that he may fear, but he’s got to learn from individuals that he doesn’t trust as well. My saving grace came from the mere threat of a bigger fight. A lawyer can give you the same leverage. Bully lawsuits are everywhere now and for good reason.
Blessed be. I truely wish you the best and a successful outcome.
Oh Maria, when I read that your son said to himself “but why?”, I had tears. It breaks my heart… with the idea that this bullying may affect him psychologically long-term. This has to end.
You go to that school tomorrow and you raise some hell! If the principal can’t deal with this properly or the teachers, you go to the board. You should have been called immediately. And those boys need punishment. If the school won’t do it, then you need to find their parents and have a talk with them.
Get your boy into martial arts or boxing, let him learn to defend himself. I tell my kids, if another kid hits you, you hit them right back. I don’t care about this bullshit about walking away, no. If some kid is going to hurt my boys, they have every right to fight back.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Oh man, Maria. That is terrible. I’m teary-eyed, I’m so angry and upset for the way your son was treated. And you’re absolutely right–having the boys miss recess is an appallingly inadequate response to what they did.
If this is what these boys are doing as 7-year-olds, then what are they going to be like in a few years? Shouldn’t the school be more concerned with nipping this behavior before it escalates?
I endured several years of bullying in grade school, and it is such a terrible experience. Having dealt with what I went through as a kid I think it would just break my heart to see my child treated like that.
I hope that you are able to get a better response after talking to the principal, or if necessary, the school board.
This is a heart wrenching time for your little man. It scares me because I can already see some of this type of pack/bully behavior in a couple of kids in my 3yo’s preschool class.
If the school does not do anything you should ask for the home phone #’s of the kids and talk to their parents. It could be their parents are as obtuse as the kids or maybe they had no idea since the school is obviously not big on communication with the families. If my kid was a bully I would want to know about it. And believe me the punishment would be far more severe than missing recess.
I hope that the principal is better than the moronic teacher. Also I agree with one of the previous comments about indicating that you would go to the press if the school/district doesn’t deal with this appropriately!
Coming from someone who was bullied her ENTIRE school life, I must tell you that you need to follow this up to te FULLEST extent that you can…
First, the principal…and then even if the principal is helpful, I would be getting in touch with the parents of those boys personally. It would take everything in me not to punch the parents in the nose, but I would make them accountable for their kids’ actions.
OMG…I can’t even go on because I am so gutwrenched about this.
My prayers and thoughts are with you. Please, do NOT accept an outcome that is not the BEST outcome for your boy. Please hug him for me when he wakes up tomorrow. I know his pain all too well.
( I feel sick.
I am shocked that the teacher has done NOTHING. What do we pay them for anyway?
Unleash hell on that school. I hope those boys are severely reprimanded because that kind of behaviour should NEVER be tolerated!
My husband was bullied as a child because he was skinny. His grandma told him the best advice: if you are bullied, hide behind a bush with a large stick. Now, I don’t think violence is the answer but those boys need punishment more than missing recess. They should be suspended and then have to do garbage clean up or something.
Good luck. I hope the principal has the balls to do what is right. At least the school year is almost over and your son won’t have to deal with them.
OMG. I just cannot fathom the school reacting that way. My kids school has a no tolerance policy and they mean none. My son was unused to stringent school rules because the preschool he went to did not enforce anything. When he transferred there was a much bigger kid in his class(the boy was almost 7 in Kindergarten) who would tease and pick at K until he would react. K got caught reacting, the kid had been picking on him all week and when he pushed K, K responded by stepping on the kids hand. Both boys were taken to the principal and recieved swats. I had a FIT. I hadn’t known what was going on until I got the letter in the MAIL a week later.
When I went in to talk to the principal and the whole story came out, she did apologize to K but she took him to each of the teachers who would be playground monitors for his class and introduced him and explained to him that if there were a problem he needed to follow the rules and find the teacher who was on duty and tell them. It empowered him in a way that we couldnt, but we also informed the school that we would not put up with it and if he were backed into a corner as it were and he fought back we would not punish him.
That was his second week of school there and we have not had any problems since.(two years)
My boys have even gotten in trouble for bickering with each other on the school bus, not even laying hands on each other. I am appalled at the teachers response to your issue. Will be praying for you and your boy.
Steff
So sorry you are going through this. I was bullied as a child but it was never in the presence of adults. A child should feel safe at recess, especially a 6 year old!! It is absolutely unacceptable that your child is in this situation. The school needs to step up and get their teachers to pay attention. If it is too big a school yard for the teachers on duty then they need to increase the number out there.
Keep fighting. If it were my little boy (he’s only 5 months old) I would find out who the parents are and read them the riot act. There is no reason a 6 year old boy or any other child for that matter should suffer at the hands of bullies.
You already know my thoughts on all of this….love and thoughts to you all. Give him an extra tight squeeze tonight.
Get’um Mama Bear – and don’t take LESS for YOUR kid!!
Ugh. Takes me back to the beginning of high school. When I had the bad luck of dating a guy whose sister was the leader of the mean girl pack. Not just mean, but scary. They came to my house (a bunch of older girls) and asked for me to come out….um, yeah, that didn’t happen. Thankfully, my bf’s mom, knew the mom of one of the girls and raised holy hell. With that girl’s mom, with that girl, even told them to pass on a message to the main perpetrator. She wasn’t having it and was ready to (literally) kick some ass.
When I think about that time (thankfully short-lived) and think about my girls having to go through that, it makes me sick. I’ve already seen the mean spirited kids of her grade start to emerge. Seven year old are supposed to be sweet – not already lying and bullying.
I pray for you that this gets resolved quickly, and that your baby is strong an resilient. And I’m sending the same strength to you.
I am so sorry to hear what happened to your boy! That is an outrage. Those boys are bullies and they need more than a slap on the hand. Their parents need to get involved in this situation and the children should be suspended. I think it’s deplorable how the teacher and school handled it so far. They are responsible for the well-being and safety of your child while he is on school grounds!
My heart aches for you and your son and I hope this situation gets resolved appropriately.
-Aimee
Maria I am so sorry to hear your son is going through this. Reading this made me see red as it is eerily similar to what my son has gone through this year. It makes me angry that we can’t send our children to school without worrying about their safety.
My advice is to get in your principal’s face and If need be the school board and don’t back down until you are satisfied with the outcome. And if you can, get your husband involved somehow. Unfortunately I wasn’t taken seriously with my concerns over my son until my husband got involved – infuriated me that in 2010 men are taken more seriously than the mother but that’s another story! We never let up with the principal and in my son’s case the offender was removed from the school.
I am with you in spirit as you fight for your son and I hope that the offenders (and their parents!) are properly dealt with.
I am absolutely filled with rage at this. I am just so angry. Lord, if I am this pissed I can only imagine what you feel. Anger AND Sadness. It’s so unbelievably terrible. I don’t know what I would do in your situation beyond reigning hell down on the principal and the school board. In fact I’d probably just go all out right off the bat and go straight to the school board. It’s bullshit that no one was there. What the hell are they doing while recess is on. And why the hell aren’t they following up on this crap. I’m so unbelievably sorry for your little guy. He sounds like a sweetheart. Sending all my mama bear strength to you for the ‘morrow.
Sounds to me like it’s time to take things higher up the ladder. I would contact the superintendent and/or school board. That is absurd. I hope things get better for you guys soon.
That is so awful. I am so sorry for him and furious with the school. That is not living up to the no tolerance policy and these kids know it. They know they can get away with it so they do.
Where are the other parents? Do they know that their kids are doing this?
Good luck today!
Tortuga requested I stop by and check out what’s going on here. My heart is breaking for you. I have a six year old and I would be hopping mad if this had happened to him! Do not stop until you are satisfied with the school’s actions. The adults are there to protect the children. Anything less is unacceptable. Let me know if you need the Blogfia’s help. We can be very convincing……
Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry that your son is dealing with this. Kids can be so mean, for no reason at all. Good for you for going to the principal and beyond to get some action taken. I hope that something is done to teach those other boys a lesson. That is just not acceptable behavior. Have you considered calling the parents of the other boys? Or better yet, stopping by their house?
Wow Maria. I can’t believe this is happening to a 6 year old. I’m totally crying right now…I feel so sad for your little boy – he should be having fun at school and learning, not getting bullied. How the HELL did nobody see this happening?! Where were the teachers? That in itself is a huge problem. At 6 they are still so little, what the heck is wrong with the 7 year olds who are beating up on another kid? I can feel for you and can only imagine what you are going through, as a mom you just want to protect him, but you can’t be there with him all the time. So frustrating. I hope that the principal is helpful today. It might be a good idea to have a meeting with all the parents of the kids involved. Those kids need to be disciplined properly at home. Please keep us updated on how everything is going. Good luck today. You’re a great mom! ((((HUGS))))
That is UNBELIEVABLE! My heart aches for you and your son! I am right there with you. If that were my child doing the bullying you can bet your ass that his punishment would be so severe that he would never do it again. My question, why aren’t the teachers reprimanded for not “seeing” what is happening while it is happening? I agree with you that if it is a no tolerance school there should be more punishment than just a missed recess. If kids don’t learn early on that what they are doing is not right, they will never learn.
My heart aches for you. Good luck! I admire your courage!
I can’t believe the punishment for those boys was so light. Bullies have no idea the kind of trauma they are causing others. Good for you for finding a way to help your son when the school isn’t.
Oh I can’t tell you how my heart hurts for him…Because I can’t stop crying after reading this post….My son went through the same thing in Grade 2 and I felt I was going to explode. The school’s preach No Tolerance but don’t stand behind it until it’s too late.
Missing recess is a joke….and a pathetic way to show these boys they were wrong…If these kids are not about consequences now, then when?…This is why some kids grow up to be Assholes…
This absolutely breaks my heart. I am so sorry. It also scares me to death as our little 3yr old man is very sensitive and shy. I can’t believe the teacher was so uncaring about the situation. Please post after you visit the principal as I think it’s important other parents hear what is being done.
Oh my gosh, I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about this. How much rage I feel toward those other children, and toward the adults who didn’t stop them in time. How much I just want to hug you and your little boy. And I don’t even know you!
I second/third/fourth/…fiftieth the recommendation to go to the principal, the superintendent, the school board, and even the local media–whatever you feel most comfortable with, and whatever you feel goes just far enough to get results without compromising your son’s security and privacy. Your son and your family deserve a much better response than the one you received.
That is so awful! My daughter is almost 7 and this year she dealt with a bully. She never physically harmed her (thank god!) but she tormented her day in, day out. And I spent countless times at the school talking to teachers, principals, counselors, etc. I finally had to go above them to get something done about it and the girl was suspended. I hope you can talk to the principal and get this resolved. Poor kiddo
You just have to wonder what kind of home life these kids have? It’s so sad that some kids these days are so hateful and violent.
I am about to cry because this could be ANY of our children. I’m SO very, very sorry he had to be hurt like that, both physically and emotionally. It’s just not right. And where are these boys’ parents? They should be hurting too for what their children did to yours. So, so awful. I’m so sorry Maria. If you need to vent about it anymore feel free to email me. My heart is heavy for you and your son. HUGE hugs…
I live in Ontario too and want to help you. I can’t stand that nothing is being done by the police, the school or the parents. The kids that did this to your little son have serious problems and something must be done. Tell your little son everyone is on his side.
OMG. I am in tears for you and your son.
We had trouble about a year ago at our daycare and since then boys have been split into different classes and the trouble has stopped.
I hate the “boys will be boys” mentality. HATE. It’s not fair and just because they’re boys, it doesn’t make their actions acceptable.
I am thinking of you and your son. I really hope you’re able to resolve this, soon. There’s nothing worse than having memories of being bullied haunt you into your adult life. I know.
Lots of love.
Your poor little ragamuffin. I feel for him. In a no tolerance school, all of the children involved should have been called into the office, parents brought in and children suspended for a period of time. Regardless of their age and boys will be boys, this is not tolerable. I agree with you that you should go to the principal. Where was that teacher who was supposed to be “on duty”, probably to busy gabbing to other teachers. I know when my daughter was trying to defend herself, she was sent home from school. I found this to be utterly ridiculous as she didn’t start the incident, but tried to fight back instead of getting beaten up. Both my daughter and myself received a written apology from the principal for the “misunderstanding” and was notified that the other parties involved were suspended and that they hoped that my daughter would report any future incidents to them without trying to take the matter into her own hands.
That kills me! Makes me want to march right in there with you! I hope you were able to get some resolution from the principal. My daughter who is 10 and very small for her age has had her share of bullying this year. The teacher was a little too dismisive for me. I did approach some of the kids. We never did find out who was taking and hiding her items. It stopped once the doors were locked to her classroom. So frustrating and I think worse yet at your sons age…breaks my heart!
I am a new follower! Found you through a post on Facebook…
I just saw your tweets of thanks & came to read what happened. I cannot bear to read the other comments & see more stories of bullying. My son is starting K in the fall and one of my husband’s and my dad’s biggest fears was that he would be bullied. He has Down syndrome and I was pushing for him to be in the neighborhood school. Instead *I* got bullied at the IEP and caved/agreed to him going to the special ed K in a school down the road. Your story puts such fear in my heart. If my son had that experience he wouldn’t be able to tell me (he hardly talks or signs); how long would it go on before I knew? OMG. Prayers & hugs & rainbows to you and your son.
It is ridiculous that we need to be afraid for our children at school, of all places. I worry right along with you. Just remember that you are your child’s best advocate – let nothing stop you from keeping his safety your number one priority.
MAN
The parents of bullies are often not helpful in the situation. All these women who say they would be severe with their kid if they bullied someone else are probably the kind of parent whose child wouldn’t ever be a bully in the first place – they’re good, proactive moms.
I really hope the school handles this to your satisfaction because if they don’t how are you supposed to trust them again? When is school over?
We’ll all be waiting to hear, I hope your day goes much better than your twitter feed indicates!
This kind of thing makes me sick to my stomach. My little boy will be starting JK in September and this is the kind of thing I worry about. He’s a shy, introverted child (in public, anyway) and I fear he’d make a target for this kind of behavior. I just don’t know how I’d restrain myself from kicking some serious ass if anyone ever did to him what those kids did to your boy. But I also wonder what kind of parental guidance or possible abuse might be going on in their homes to make them act out in this way.
Maria – I keep thinking about your little guy and wondering how he’s doing. A child must feel afraid to walk into school after being assaulted like that. And that is just so wrong. I hope today is a better day for everyone in the family and that the school has provided some sort of commitment or action to ensuring that this will never, ever happen again on their property.
This is horrible! I understand how both you and your son feel!
I’m firmly convinced that it is lip service, nothing more! I know of so many instances that some form of bullying takes place and nothing is done about it!
My daughter was bullied, mostly verbal by girls, for most of Grade 2 and, as far as I am concerned, nothing was done about it! Some of the bullys were quite good actresses!
A friend’s son was bullied and when he was pushed too far and defended himself, he was the one to get suspended! The school acted like the son was the problem! She went through so much and finally pulled her son from the school! He’s at a new school and hasn’t had one problem with be bullied or getting in trouble for defending himself!
Here’s hoping that you get somewhere with the school and this bullying is stopped! Go get ‘em, Mama Bear!
Pull him out of school unless you want to see this keep happening. Homeschool is the only way.
I am so sorry that this happened! There is no way this should be taken so lightly. I hope there are very severe consequences for those boys and that your little one is ok. It makes me so sad and angry to hear about things like this. Big hugs to both of you!
I have tears reading your post, and look at the support around you. Why did the school not call you. I am sorry I could not read all the responses. BIG hug to you and thank goodness summer is upon us.
It’s funny because just this week I told a story about being bullied in school. My mom went to the principal and told her and the principal assured my mother that I was bringing it on myself. I was mercilessly teased, not physically, but verbally for years. It was awful. I’m so glad you went there and spoke with someone and I hope that the summer off is long enough for those boys to forget that your son was a target of theirs.
i just came looking to see what happened…
Your principal has taken more action than most. I am surprised and relieved.
However, it is not ever going to feel like enough. These two kids HURT your son, something no one is allowed to do and it is our job as parents to make sure this does not happen, so when it does, nothing makes it better.
I would not expect to hear from the parents. I am actually really surprised the principal contacted them at all, and then shared their reactions with you. There is a whole privacy thing most principals ( and for good reason in theory ) enact in situations like this…your principal is reacting in a way that would give me confidence. Imperfect as it is.
Can I make a suggestion? You have a summer to help your son deal with creeps. Give him the words and actions to help minimize interctions with kids who approach and threaten him. You say he is a target at times…do not ever try and change who he is, but do strengthen his confidence so that he can walk ( run ) the other way and advocate for himself. There are many articles about bullying “victims”, reactive and submissive, and how to help them help themselves at school. this information was priceless for my son ( and me ). we role played every situation and gave my son the script to use to diffuse and refuse the bullying.
hugs.
If those kids say ONE word to him in the next 7 days that is even a sort of threat, go to the police. I think your district needs to seriously look at their bullying policy because that is pathetic! I am sorry your son had to go through this. mommy too.
My heart goes out to you and your little guy. It’s unconscionable that so little is being done for such a malicious and unprovoked act of violence – regardless of the age or history. I hope and pray that the next week goes without incident and that your son won’t have to deal with those two boys next year.
I have no doubt I would feel exactly they way you do right now. And you are so right a parent is a child’s BEST ADVOCATE! You have taught your child so much about how to stand up for yourself, how to handle difficult situations, how to demand action when you see an injustice, how to handle yourself with grace…WELL DONE! Your experience will prove to help others!
Maria:
It is sad but true that bullying happens at every school. This should not have happened to your son, but it happens. You and the school need to help remind him to tell the teacher every time. Also you need to start keeping a paper trail, email, whatever. Document the incidents, dates, resolution or not resolution. Sad but true also progressive discipline doesn’t get at half the underlying problems – too many kids, too little supervision, not enough people on yard duty. And frankly schools can be ill equipped to deal with this. There are multiple other issues that also could be going on with those other kids – the aggressors – which aren’t being addressed or looked at or anything else. There are a greater number of kids in school with special needs and mental health issues than ever in past. They are not managed or treated or supported just thrown into the general chaos that is public school. It is the saddest system and frightening.
I’m disappointed that after yesterday’s horrific attack on your son, the principal’s and the entire school’s reaction seems to be to downplay the severity and do the minimum. I’m disappointed but not surprised. When I was a bit older than your son (poor baby), I was beat to the ground by an older boy on the playground. I had a couple friends who witnessed what happened and they helped me get the courage to meet with the principal to tell him what happened. Of course the principal was not there that day so I had to wait (and keep up my courage) until the next day when I went in and reported what happened. His response– basically he told me that’s what boys sometimes do when they like you. Period. Goodbye. Nice talkin’ to ya. Now this was nearly 25 years ago, so I thought things had changed as a result of well publicized anti-bullying campaigns and problems with school violence, but apparently not as much as you might expect.
Fortunately the incident didn’t leave any long lasting effects for me save the memory of an adult not really listening and validating my feelings and experience. I hope your son’s experience leaves no lasting impression but that his mom will do everything to protect him.
That is horrible! Where are the adults that are supposed to be in charge at that school? I feel terrible for your son. My oldest goes to Kindergarten this fall. I can’t imagine if this kind of thing happened to him.
Well I find this response much better than that the boys will miss one recess, but still somewhat lacking. I will be praying for you that there will be better for your son next year and for the rest of this year.
Steff
Sorry you had to go through this with your son. It really is a parent’s nightmare. If I may, thank you for standing up and speaking with the principal. As a teacher, we don’t see everything. No matter how vigilant we try to be, some kids can out sneak us. I always appreciate when parents and students report things to me so that I can keep my out it. It always breaks my heart when a student or parent waits til their breaking point after months or even years.
Your advice to teach your report is true. The school’s policies are based on the provinces and the school board’s directives and it is changing to accommodate the ever changing needs of our students. Zero policy was not taking into account our nonverbal learners so the gradual policy has come in. We can only deal with what we know is happening and we need the help of our parents, children and community.
Bullying is something that has been happening forever in schools and we need to bring it to an absolute end. As parents, educators and communities we need to stand up and end it. Thank you for taking a stand and for teaching your son to take a stand.
I’m glad something more was done than just keeping them in from recess, but I’m sorry it’s not what you had hoped for. Although after such a vicious attack there’s not much that could erase the trauma and anger and hurt I guess. I too would be marching my daughter over to the victim’s house if she ever bullied another kid and the consequences for her actions would be severe. But, this kind of behaviour usually starts at home so obviously these parents turn a blind eye to it, no surprise they haven’t responded by contacting you. The good thing about it is that this will follow them all through school. Next year’s (and beyond) teachers will see they were violent and bullies and (hopefully) closer attention will be paid to their actions to help prevent another child from being their target. Good for you for sticking up for your son and doing what you needed to do to get some sort of justice.
Maria, this is just crazy. I can’t begin to understand the school your son attends. At the least the teacher who knew about the assault (even if she didn’t see it) should have contacted the principle as soon as she returned (if not sooner). There should have been an incident report on her desk within minutes of the school day ending. There is no excuse for the principle not knowing about this event.
Did your son/you complain when this boy threatened him last week? Make sure every single threat is reported. Like you said, it is the only way they can do anything, if they have a ‘history’ of issues.
If I were you I would contact my Trustee. File a report about your distaste of how things are being handled. This sounds all wrong to me.
And I am soooo soooooo sorry about all this happening to your boy. Unbelievable. And wrong. Hugs to all of you!
That is absolutely heartbreaking and infuriating. I am stopping by from SITS and read both your original and update posts and I have tears in my eyes. I don’t know how i could even contain myself, or my husband for that matter, if another kid assaulted my son with that kind of severity.
The fact that the recess staff saw nothing is ludicrous. I give you a lot of credit for how you handled such an upsetting situation. You are absolutely right in that NO ONE will be an advocate for your child except you.
Thank god at least the school year is almost through. I hope you and your little guy have a WONDERFUL summer and that hopefully when the next school year starts and he is in a new classroom it will mean a new and better school experience for him.
Maria, I feel sad for the helplessness that you and your son are feeling. We send our children from their homes to schools trusting that they will be safe, and they have betrayed that trust for both of you.
My ‘baby’ is now 19, and finally leaving the school system. I felt many times that they let him and my other children down with their ‘on paper only’ visions of safety and concern. Most striking example was in grade 6, when ever worsening accidents just happened to occur around my son. Seemed the same girl was always involved, yet my son was always to blame. Making matters worse, this girl had recognized emotional and learning difficulties. My son was reprimanded many times, and I was called to discipline him, firstly, for picking on a girl. Secondly, for him not being sensitive enough around a disabled child. A social worker was brought in to talk to my son to see why he felt the need to pick on disabled students. I know my child, he was holding back, and not revealing the seriousness of the situation, just because of these things, I knew it was worse than it appeared. The girl was not spoken to, as she was being protected by the teachers because of her disabilities. Shame on my son, trying to blame her. This went on for awhile, steadily worsening, until I told the principal that if they would not contact her parents, then I would. They had a talk with her parents and the girl, she readily admitted that she didn’t like my son, and wanted him dead. She admitted to arranging these ‘accidents”. What were the consequences? Nothing. A lame apology from the principal. All was forgiven because, poor thing, she had problems. I hate to think what might have happened to my son while they were busy protecting her problems. Incident reports were filed in my son’s records, and the social worker promised that they would be transferred when he switched to junior high a short time later, for follow up purposes.
New school year, and new school. I wanted a good start for him, I follow up to make sure records were transferred. I get a blank look. His file had been purged. No record of any incidents, no report from the social worker, (who of course had retired) nothing at all. Like it never happened. New school said it happens all the time. Guess the lesson I need to pass on to you is that these records are open to you as a parent at any time. You can include or withdraw what you want in his record, and to check and see what exactly is in that file periodically. Keep advocating for your children, no one knows them like you do and the big wheels of power in the school seem to think that they can intimidate the kids with their power. They need you on their side. Always. Good luck, Maria.
Appreciate the follow up. You did great and your attitude couldn’t be any better so I am sure you made your point. I also admire how you made sure “they” all understood that you were not afraid to use your strength and voice in insuring this never happens again to your son and I bet other parents are aware of this too and are as appalled as we all are. So that alone feels really good.
As for the 6 year old that brags he beats up kids…he is in trouble and will be trouble. Lately more and more people tell me that there are really sociopathic children and they have no fear. I hope that someone keeps an eye out for this kid.
I know a kid that is always in trouble like this and his parents are in total denial that their kid’s behavior is NOT normal and he is only 6 years old too.
I am crying. Literally crying for you and your baby. As a former K teacher I just can’t believe this! I watched my kids like a hawk. Treated them like I now treat my own kids. That would never have happened on my watch or the watch of any other co workers I have ever had! Absolutely ridiculous. I am glad things went up a level when you went in, but it should have been more. Something like that could damage a kid psychologically, not just physically. If it happens again you need to press charges. On the school and the other kids. I am fuming right now!!!
And so scared about our future. My son has Autism and I know we will have a tough road ahead with things like this. He does not fit in socially at all. Maybe I need to just homeschool…
What about the teachers? Is there no discipline for the teachers who were on yard duty and didn’t see this? (still don’t know how that happened?) At this point – especially since it’s the last week of school and I guess there is only so much the school can do (WTF?) – I guess it’s up to the parents. Hopefully those parents are successful at teaching their kids the difference between right and wrong, and how they should be treating their school mates. Terrible. I’m so scared for my kids.
Oh, what a horrible experience! I have tears for you and your innocent little guy, asking himself why they did this to him.
I am shocked that this happened with kids in Grade 1! It’s ridiculous. I think you should talk to the parents… what the hell kind of kids are they raising? Like you, I would have marched my son right up to their doorstep!
I don’t think the punishment is enough – missing recess, in school suspension? Ludicrous. Maybe an escalating system works for children who are misbehaving, but these kids hurt & attacked another child. I’m surprised the other parents haven’t contacted you to let you know how they are going to deal with it within their homes. I hope it gets easier for your little guy.
I really really really hope your son never has to experience that ever again. I hope next year his school year is only pleasant for him, and that these other kids learned their lesson. Good Luck, and HUGS. xoxo
I saved this post in my reader and I am just now getting around to commenting. My heart just broke reading about this and that is why I still feel like I need to express my compassion for you- months later. I will never forget the day I read this post. My 2.5 year old son was sleeping and when he woke up I just held him tightly and fought baack tears as I thought of you holding your child. I couldn’t help but think that I love my monkey and protect him and tell him how wonderful he is and how he is loved, just like you do, and then one day I will send him to school and some bully will hurt his feelings {at the very least}. It makes you think if I tell my kids 1 million times a day how wonderful they are, they are special etc, will all that be forgotten when some unhappy bully says otherwise. I wonder how you ended up handling the situation and how it was handled at school. hope everything is better now.
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