Crap. I’m old. My i.d. told me so.

22nd July 2010



It’s that day again. July 22nd.

Another year older.

My i.d. told me so.

I’m old.

When you’re old – weird things happen. Unpreventable weird things.

Bodily functions. And droopiness. And constantly remembering “the good old days”.

Like, remember when you graduated high school and laughed your ass off at the thought of your high school reunion in say 10 years. Or worse – 20 years. Yeah, I remember that – vaguely. I’m old now, my brain is creaky. Must mean my 20 year reunion will be here any day.

By the way, don’t send me an invite to that thing – I would rather swallow a screwdriver than EVER go to that.


Like I said, it is officially another year older on my old age chart.

I am depressingly OLD.

How do I know? What’s my proof? Well, let’s see….

1. My bowels come up in everyday conversation.

2. I found a greyish hair in the last year. Somewhere. On my old body.

3. I can’t recognize half the crap on the radio anymore. Yes I’m that person.

4. I have little kids who want to do things, and move around all the time. Their annoying youthfulness remind me that I’m older than dinosaurs. On a daily basis.

5. I’m too old to have babies now – evidently, I’m ripe for cats though.

6. I know what probiotics are. See #1.

7. Products that squeeze, tighten and suck it in are my best friends. They call to me. Problem is, I may be too old to answer.

8. I care about things. Things old people care about.

9. I get ma’am’d. On a regular basis. And I HATE it.

10. I say things old people say like, “where did the time go?” and “let’s play pinochle” and “damn you sciatica!”.

11. I can’t wear daisy dukes now. Or leg warmers. Or tube tops. How will I get through the rest of my days without tube tops?

I could go on, but in my old age, it’s best not to disturb this animal.

The ugly cry is even uglier – when you’re old.

True story.

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27 thoughts on “Crap. I’m old. My i.d. told me so.

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Crap. I’m old. My i.d. told me so. « Bored Mommy --

  2. foundationstudio

    Happy Birthday Pretty Lady!! You’re just heading into your prime – Young people can’t take over the world 😀

  3. Nicki

    Ahhh, if you are old, I am ancient. Last year at this time I was enjoying – though I swore I would not – my 30th high school reunion. LOL!

  4. Toni

    Bah-hahaha! I agree! We “just” starting to approach that age where we notice that we ARE starting to age…if that makes sense. I hate it and fight it everyday.

    Regardless, I hope you have a very, happy, wonderful birthday and fun time away. Love you Poutana!

  5. Elaine

    Happy Birthday you Geezer! I mean, Young Lady. I’m guessing you area around the same age as myself so in that case you are TOTALLY in your prime. AND, if I were going to BlogHer we would totally be going out together to party in our tube tops!!! 😉 (no legwarmers since it’s August and all…)

    Have a GREAT day Maria!!! XO

  6. Jen

    I am positive my neighbor is waaaaaay older than you are and she regularly wears her tube top while mowing the lawn. I say rock that wardrobe girl!

  7. Justine

    Getting old is no laughing matter – but CLEARLY I am wrong, seeing as I had a big helping of LOL here in celebration of your birthday. Thank you for this – I can so relate. And yes, I have also written about my birthday and how I dread it. It’s cathartic after all. We bloggers must do what we do best. Put it into words and make other cringe along with us. Hey at least we know we’re not alone.

    But I hope this birthday is as good for you as reading your post is for me this morning.

  8. Lizz

    Have a great one!!!

    I was having a discussion with some friends today about current fave songs. I was like Um….huh? Does “Tainted Love” count?

  9. Sandy (@sandyel)

    You are funny!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! All of these things are true for me too… yet i like being the age that I am, I just don’t like the weight that I am… So the only thing I really long for are tube tops, legwarmers and daisy dukes. Who am I kidding I have NEVER worn daisy dukes! 🙂

  10. Loukia

    Well… you’ve still got your humour, so that’s something! 😉 Just kidding.

    You’re not OLD! You just feel old! Shit. I’m not helping, am I? Well, I’m turning 34 this September and man, that feels super old to me… wait… I’m totally making you hate me even more now.

    JUST KIDDING BABE! You’re the best, you look great, and you have 2 amazing kids. What more could a girl want? Don’t forget Jennifer Aniston, another fellow Greek Goddess, is over 40!

    HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY see you SOON … we’ll drink away our old age worries! And shop them away, too!

  11. Shannon @ AnchorMommy

    Hahaha! You kill me. You’re totally right about the ugly cry…mine is horrifying at my age! 😉

    I’m totally with you on #3 and #4, and OMG –– I HATE getting ma’am-ed! Makes me want to slap people.

    But maybe I deserve the ma’am-ing, since I have a FOREST of gray hairs on my head and I make no effort these days to hide them. I got ya beat on that one, my friend.

    Happy birthday, you old geezer!!!

  12. Christina @RantRaveRoll

    I don’t get gray hairs. I saw a bunch of white ones once, but the disappeared after I applied a magical potion. POOF!

    I’d tell you you are only as old as you feel, but I don’t want to make you feel worse.

    Happy Birthday Sweetie!

  13. MamaOnDaGo

    You crack me up & I love it! I have a few more months according to my drivers license…I’m keeping the youthful pic though even if I have to shed tears at the DMV.


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