No Matter What

20th August 2010


My kids are really sensitive, especially my son, and it’s never more evident then when he’s in trouble. When he was younger, I remember that he had done something to warrant being punished, which in our house meant the naughty step. I don’t actually remember what he did to warrant the step, but I do remember the look on his face when I put him there. He looked devastated. Four and devastated. Poor little dude broke my heart.

After his time was up, he came over to me, and gave me a big hug and a kiss. While we were hugging tightly, he started to cry and he said, “Mommy, do you still love me? Do you still love me when I do bad stuff?” I may or may not have started to cry at this point (Read: Hello ugly cry).

So I looked straight at him, and said, “Look at Mommy and listen very carefully, ok? Mommy loves you always, no matter what.” And I asked him to repeat it, and so he did. The rest of the day, I could hear him talking out loud, to his toys, telling all his stuffed buddies that his mommy and daddy love him no matter what, even when he is “super bad”.

No matter what. That’s the little love mantra that we share with both of our kids – no matter what. Because regardless of what my kids say or do, and regardless of their age or their attitude or choices, I want them to know that I will always love them, always, no matter what. And so I say it to them every single day.

No matter what.

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23 thoughts on “No Matter What

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  2. Allison @ Alli 'n Son

    Wonderful. I make it a point to tell my kiddo that I love him, especially when he’s been naughty or when I’m frustrated with him. After all tantrums are over, I hug him super tight and tell him that I love him.

  3. Jennie

    That is a great mantra. I will steal this, my boys need something that connects the three of us like this right now.
    After a punishment I always tell them that I love them, but that part of my job as Mommy is to make sure that they grow up to be GREAT people. Sometimes that means that I have to teach them how to behave.

    So far they still love me 🙂

  4. Angel

    I have had the same conversations with my son. My oldest is bipolar and he always says mom how can you love me when I rage like that. I simply say I know YOU are still in there. I always love YOU I just may not like your behavior..

  5. Melisa

    Thank you for this reminder. I have an 18 month old and while I do tell him I love him, I think I need to make sure he understands I love him even when he frustrates me.

  6. Kate

    So true. Lately, my daughter has been asking me, “You still love me even when I’m sick?” I reassure her, of course, but I’m starting to wonder if I wasn’t as pleasant and patient a nursemaid as I thought during all those colds and flu last winter. Gah.

  7. Kameron

    I had my first taste of that exact moment the other day. I had snapped at my 3 yo, my hubby had snapped at him. He had thrown a book at his baby sister’s head and was sent to the stool in his room. I heard him crying from the bathroom, “Nobody likes me anymooore. Mommy and daddy don’t like me at all”. I felt so awful. I went in and snatched him off his stool and explained very carefuly that I didn’t like his bad coices, but always like and love him. It is an awful feeling when they think otherwise!

  8. Sandy

    Beautiful post. This made me cry. I feel this very passionately every day, especially because I sometimes feel like I’m surrounded by people who don’t think highly of little boys. Oscar is a handful, but I’m learning to appreciate how wonderful he is. I love everything about him! 🙂

  9. Jorja White

    cheers to ‘no matter what!’ you are a lovely mother! i think it is huge that our little people know that we disapprove of their behavior, not of them…not of their person! love it! have a great weekend girl!

  10. Robin

    This is so important….more than you know.

    I don’t have any kids yet, but I love learning from strong mothers like you who do what they need to do so their children feel loved. 🙂

  11. sarah

    Absolutely. Mine little guy falls apart if I raise my voice–it breaks my heart & has actually helped me learn to control my temper. I make sure I tell him 2-3 times a day how much I love him, no matter what, so that when we do have a tough day, he knows it doens’t change how much I love him.

  12. Varda (SquashedMom)

    Absolutely spot on. We have a thing like that, too. Every night I tell my sons “I will always be your Mom, and I will always love you.” My father passed away recently, and it’s clearly been on one of my son’s mind, because the other night after I said that he asked “Even after you’re dead?” “Of course” I answered, “Grandpa is still my father and his love lives on in my heart.”

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