I’ve been feeling a little blue lately, regarding many things, one of which is my blog. To say that I feel a little invisible is an understatement. Since moving to a self hosted WordPress.org url, my traffic has taken a hit – not that I was Dooce or anything, but I was happy with what I had. I’m not sure what happened in the transfer, and I know it’s more than just trying to re-establish page rank, but let’s just say if I knew then what I know now, I would never have left. Retrospect is such a bitch.
So I started thinking that maybe the lack of love is due to the fact that I’ve been doing some giveaways – it’s possible. So I tweeted and asked, to find out whether it truly is the giveaways. The overwhelming response was that regardless of whether someone does giveaways, if they are “true to who they are” and blog regularly, the giveaways aren’t really a big deal.
True to who I am?
Crap.
See, that might be a problem.
I have no idea who I am.
Mother. Wife. Maid who works for free…….and that’s all I got.
Pathetic.
It’s hard to know really.
It’s hard to know, when you’ve never been given the freedom to live the life you were meant to live.
It’s hard to know, when you spend a lot of time filtering what you can and can’t say, so that you can maintain some level of privacy…..for other people.
It’s hard to know, when what you blog about might just be thrown back in your face, and affect already tenuous relationships.
When I spend most of my time, repressing what I really want and need to say, written and otherwise, it’s no wonder I don’t know my own voice.
It’s a wonder I haven’t imploded actually.
I guess I’m strong that way.
Never underestimate the power of denial.
{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }
In answer to the giveaway question, I don’t mind them when they are just once in a while and products you really like. I like reading your blog. I understand the frustration of having to censor yourself at times. I definitely feel like I am leaving a lot out sometimes and I struggle with fresh content after four years. Keep trying though–I would miss your voice!
nicole recently posted..A Wish Fulfilled
Thanks Nicole. You’ve always been a great supporter with so many sweet comments. I appreciate every one.
I didn’t know you had left!
Hard not to worry about stats, I know… but people will find you. Continue what you are doing, and use your blog for the purpose you created it. Be true to yourself, as you are and as you want to be.
Re-subscribing now.
Thanks Mandy!
Hey M!
I’ve been a fan of this blog since I met u via twitter last year & love it, giveaways & all because it’s you 
you are honest in your posts and people like honesty. Just keep doing what your doing…:-)
(big hug)
@AMotherhoodBlog recently posted..The Little Prince Graphic Novel Review and Giveaway
Thanks girlie!! I feel the same about you.
You are not the only one!
I am in the same spot right now with voice.
I think we all go through these stages.
Hugs,
Corine
Hugs right back.
hugs to both of you… I’m going through the exact same thing right now.
Nenette recently posted..witch doctor which doctor doctor who yeah
It’s hard not to be taken over by stats and rankings. My little site has been around for a year and a half and I’ve seen come up within just the past 6 months, already with triple the subscribers and visits than I do. It’s disheartening, but I truly enjoy what I do and I can’t imagine not doing it. I think that’s the question you need to ask. Is this what you want? If so, you’re doing great and just keep on going.
C @ Kid Things recently posted..How Rude and How Not to Be
It’s not so much the actual numbers, but the feeling like I’m talking to myself. I so prefer having some interaction – but then again, who doesn’t.
Well I’m a follower! If you feel like you’re aren’t expressing yourself the way you really want to for fear of offending others, keep this one and get a new blog, a anonymous one. I have one. I bitch about my mother in law!
Stephanie @ Figments of a Mom recently posted..A follow up
Good for you!! MILs are great blog fodder for sure.
I also have a private blog just for my nonsense thoughts and bitchin!!! It will one day go anonymous but not just yet! It is great for the mind though!!!
I happen to love your blog and enjoy reading it! Stick around, it is just a phase we all go through!!! Hugs!!!
Heather B recently posted..Trick or Treat x 2!
I’m all for the anonymous blog too! I’ve often wished I didn’t tell my family about my blog because you’re right, you do have to filter what you say when family is reading.
You have a story to tell, and that is interesting to people and worth telling. Just keep writing!
Thanks so much Vicky – you’re a doll.
I love reading your blog. Might not always comment, but always check in every now and then. Keep doing what you’re doing!
Thanks lovely stranger.
There is much I could say, I’m not sure though how much would be helpful. First of all, this place isn’t going to work for you if you don’t make it what YOU want, not what others want. And YOU are a vibrant, charming kind person. For me bogging comes down to staying true to my purpose and be damned who reads, and what they think. It’s my place and I want to keep it that way. But it’s also cyclical. It goes through ups and downs. One thought, have you considered a second “private” space just for you where you can really let loose? Perhaps share only with a few?
Christine recently posted..Walking the line – My journey to simple
I’ve considered a private blog, but I feel like I’m already crazy overwhelmed so I’ll have to consider it maybe a little down the road. Thanks for your support Christine!
I don’t know if this is why or if it will help, but I almost stopped following when you switched b/c for a short while your feed was one of those shortened things where you have to click to read (and I hate those!). Luckily that is fixed now, so maybe if you post to your old address this is fixed, people will follow your new address.
Good luck! I am glad I stuck around, and I hope you keep blogging and find your voice again!
I’ll be honest with you – I had no idea that was the case. That was set by the site designer without my knowledge – a friend recently mentioned it to me and helped me switch it. Sadly, my lack of real knowledge on the back end, is the reason it was that way at all. Thanks for sticking around!!
Hey Erin,
I have to say that I had NO idea that my feed was set to summary – mainly because I wasn’t the one that did the transfer over. Had I known about it, it would not have been set as the default. I have to blame myself however because I really need to get more comfortable with the back end of Wordpress.org – I’m still totally green with it. Thankfully, a friend/fellow blogger, pointed it out for me and showed me how to change it. And I’m glad you stuck around too!
You’re a rad broad and a good writer. Don’t worry about traffic. Your readers will find you or you’ll get new ones. Besides, numbers don’t mean shit.
I agree with you, and honestly, I mostly don’t even look at them – mainly because I have no idea how to read them. Ha. But there are those days when you want a little validation, or maybe a sign that someone is reading, you know? Thanks ho. You’re good people.
I feel like I have lost my voice as well. I rarely blog lately (only had about 15 followers anyhow) and I spend a lot of time when I could be blogging thinking about what I want from my blog. Where I want it to go.
I enjoy reading your blog and I am sure that your numbers will go up,eventually. The change was a good one. You will see. This is just a small bump in the road. Hugs!
Chantal recently posted..Roller coaster
Gah. I feel you on the post, though it’s more like a view into ‘tomorrow’ as I have been trying to find a new name / address for my blog. I’ve had a BIT of a spike in readers and comments, which is awesome – but I have been putting off moving for too long. I’m afraid what is going to happen but I feel pretty strongly that I do have to change. There is too much that “personally” ties me to the URL I have now and I do feel like I need to protect privacy – for the future if not today. So in a few days, weeks, months, I’ll probably be coming right back to this post and replying to my own dang comment remarking that it wasn’t worth it – Retrospect being a bitch and all. Insert thoughts on starting the blog and first, primary being for family and now I’m right there with you censoring and all. Though for better or worse, I’m trying to step out of that comfort zone.
Also, it’d like to “RT” Lauren’s comment above. She’s right on. Let’s go with – it will ALL work out.
guarros recently posted..When you have 300 pictures to share
I pretty much could have written this post.
Except for the part where I worry about my craptastic stats (you have no idea how low they are) – I thankfully don’t, but I thankfully have a full time paying job. If I was trying to make this blogging thing into work, I’d be freaking out.
Despite the fact I’ve been doing this a lot longer, we’re in quite similar positions.
Most importantly, I am totally censored, I don’t talk about 10 million different things, and I sometimes attempt to integrate the paid posts as a way to cover costs. And sometimes it works. And sometimes it doesn’t.
I hear you, lady. But stick with it. I like your voice.
Emma recently posted..Just like heaven
Oh believe me, the issue isn’t that I’m not making money off this thing – nor am I currently concerned about that. It’s more a community issue for me.
Ah, I hear you. When people move over, I often lose track of them, and don’t mean to. That has to suck!
Anyway, I don’t have a unique voice either, so I just get louder.
sara@domesticallchallenged recently posted..Halloween Monster Dash
I know just what you mean. My stats took a hit in September, it’s so frustrating. I keep looking for the next thing that will take my blog to the next level. I haven’t found it yet. Connecting with others is the important part.
Allison @ Alli ‘n Son recently posted..virtual Coffee
Damn Wordpress! Sending you a big hug. If it’s any consolation I always feel like you’re being true to yourself whenever I read your blog. And I know, with blog stats, it’s so hard not to get wrapped up in the whole thing. I think you should just carry on with what you’re doing, and your readers will be here.
Lady Mama recently posted..Why kids and pensioners and Lady Gaga have it all figured out
I completely understand exactly how you feel. It is though you went in my brain and plucked my thoughts out and wrote them. I have no idea who I am either, other than the obvious wife, mother, daughter, maid, cook, etc. I have no idea who I am or what it is that makes me happy as my world seems to involve making sure everyone else is happy regardless of how I feel. You are not alone, and I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog.
Beth recently posted..Ds new obsession-
When I went to bloggy boot camp a couple of weeks ago there was all this talk about “Finding your Brand” and figuring out who we want to “be” as bloggers. I’m not much for all of that, truly.
I want to BE ME. But I know that sometimes it’s hard when you’re not getting as much feedback as you’d hoped. I’m kinda in the same place lately myself.
I honestly think part of it has to do with the fact that there are SO many more “mom blogs” out there than when I started doing this almost 4 years ago and that it’s just hard for everyone to keep up.
But I believe you’ve found a good base of readers and like others have said, just keep writing for yourself and it will all be good.
I enjoy your humor, your writing and those darn cute kids!
xo
Elaine recently posted..Of Halloweens Past
Well i do think i started to follow you because of a giveaway. As i enjoy entering them. But it is not just the giveaways that i foolow you by. I mean i clicked open this page and read it. I find that some times thing will catch my attention and i will read it. Also not always commenting on. I am still a follower.
I am learning about my own blog within the past year and i would like followers but it is about people being interested in what you write. Well i have alot to learn and sometimes i feel people don’t want to hear how my life is.
Keep on writing and like a few people said you will get those followers again. They will find you. Let your voice be heard or should i say your writing.
You still have readers.
Londia recently posted..Win Watches
Thanks Londia!!!
Maria I have been wondering all the same things about giveaways and wondering if they were hampering my overall community and it has me down. I actually like workiing with companies and featuring products I love but I wonder if my readers do…
I don;t mind at all when a blog has giveaways and product reviews and even subscrobe to a few like cool mom picks that are all product focused.
I am thinking aout starting a blog JUST for product reviews since I have so much to say and I have seen a lot of bloggers be really successful with this.
Anyway, I love your blog and I’m here! Part of your community!
And oh…totally have no time for an anonymous side blog either
Brittany at Mommy Words recently posted..The Princess and the Pea and Fairy Tales…and a Cat
Thanks Brittany – I really appreciate your thoughts. I’ve been thinking about the separate site for giveaways, blog tours, etc. and I might look into it to see how it could work. Thanks again for being here!!
every so often I think ‘what am I doing?!’ because I feel I have no direction.
But really, your blog needs to be whatever you want. Last year it may be different than this year, which I feel is my case. I learn, grow, re-do, re-try, and enjoy that process.
I don’t look at stats very often, and what I have learned is no matter how many or few readers/commenters a post gets, it’s pretty awesome they read/comment and each one is important.
I don’t know about you, but I find Twitter has become my RSS stream and my comment source. So while I may not comment on a post, if I RT then I’ve 90% of the time read it.
Good luck, I always enjoy following your writing and tweets
Dear M,
I am so sorry you are feeling blue….I know how that feels. Hang in there. It will get better. Just have faith.
Don’t ever stop believing in yourself. I love your blog. Adore it actually. You were one of the first bloggers I started reading when I got into the blog world. I loved your blog immediately, and I still do. I think you are FANTASTIC and absolutely hysterical! You are one of my very fave bloggers and I hope you continue to write.
I know what it feels like to feel that you can’t say everything you want. It is very frustrating. I have thought about starting an anonymous blog where I can say and write exactly what I feel without hurting anyone.
Just try to be “you” and everything will fall into place.
PS-Your kids are beyond cute. Seriously. CUTE!
Alicia recently posted..Crazy Random Things Part II !!!!
Hey hon..for a girl worried about her stats I can’t believe how many comments you have on this! I think we all struggle with this feeling from time to time. I know when I switched to my own .com my stats took a HUGE hit. I’m trying very hard to NOT think about it:)
For what it’s worth I think you are fabulous!
ModernMom recently posted..Sht or get out of the Bathroom