I just spent an entire weekend contemplating the pros and cons of having a third child, alone. In my head.
I can’t decide. And let me be clear, I say I and not we, because my husband will go along with any decision I make on this one. Also, the baby exits my lady parts, so I say I win the vote on who is the top decision maker on this one.
The fact is I need to decide if the world is ready for more of my creations. I am probably way over-thinking this, but it’s not like I’m buying some sweater at The Gap. Have you seen me buy a sweater at The Gap? It’s either wrought with indecision or with delusion – either way, good times.
Another really big factor is that my almost 7 year old son, really doesn’t want a sibling, unless I can guarantee it will come out a boy and ready to play Ben 10. His reaction to the possibility of a new baby girl entering the fold is akin to those poor people on Intervention who talk about that childhood memory that really screwed them up and led to drug use. I’m hoping to avoid that whole I-hate-you-you-suck-I’m-a-closet-drug-addict-and-it’s-your-fault-because-I-told-you-I-didn’t-want-a-sister phase.
As with every hard decision, there are the pros and cons to consider:
PROS:
- Look at that – another cute baby that looks like my side of the family and is genius just like Mommy. No really.
- Two more potential hands to pillage and destroy every room in the house. I guess that’s a con – unless we’re at someone else’s house.
- I have 20 something large rubbermaid containers stuffed with gorgeous GAP baby clothes that are crying out to be worn by a teeny version of me. Otherwise, I may need to invest in some Cabbage Patch Dolls, size NB to 5T.
- A happy Yiayia and Pappou and extended family.
- A new little all night companion for when the husband is away. Yes, this one’s a stretch.
- Coming from a big family, more kids is nice during the holidays. Fighting is always more amusing among 3 or more siblings.
CONS:
- My 7 year old might hate me after the fact
- May need to move the husband into the garage to make room for baby – oops, this one should be pro.
- It might end up being twins (not really a CON for me actually – I would love to have twins) – delusion is setting in already.
- Do I really want to go back to diapers, sleepless nights, and less freedom? Again?
- The age difference between the kids makes me feel like I might have waited too long.
- I AM OLD
I could keep going with both sides of the argument. Indecision is my specialty after all.
Help me Mommies – How did you make the decision to have another, or are you struggling with that right now? I can’t possibly be the only one, can I?
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
I struggled for a long time not about how many kids we’d have, but WHEN we’d have number two. And finally, I got mad baby fever and felt like I was all in. Now, with three weeks left until baby boy #2 arrives (his name is Ezra, I don’t know why I won’t call him by name yet), I’m already thinking about number three! I think it’s always worth it to wait until you feel like “yes, I want one!!” But on the other hand, I don’t know if you’re every REALLY ready, ready. Ya know, like, beyond-the-shadow-of-a-doubt ready to take another kidlet into the fold.
GO FOR IT!!!!! I mean, seriously, society can really only BENEFIT from another of your offspring, dude. Throw caution to the wind, and if you have a girl, train her to play Ben 10 with your son. Win/win, right??
Thanks Tricia!
Yep, went for #3 here and got twins (and yes you are delusional for wanting them…okay, they are fun…but man, a LOT of work). Sigh, even after 4 I still yearn after another baby most days. I knew someone who told me once that she knew she was done when she could look at a newborn and not get ‘that’ feeling. Sheesh, if I waited that long I may have half a dozen. It’s definitely a game changer moving from 2 to 3(or more), but so much fun. Good luck in your decision mama!
I’m having the same debate in my head.
Well, actually ours is more of a when than an if.
We’re decided if on getting a dog now, expect I think that is yes, because we’re going to look at puppies tomorrow.
So now we’re deciding when we’re going to have another baby, and I know that if we have one, I want two.
If you find the magic decicions maker stick, please share.
When we were deciding whether to have baby #4, I saw George Strombo interviewing June Callwood shortly before her death. He asked her what her biggest regret was. This amazing woman who was so active in her community and achieved so much in her life said WITHOUT HESITATION: “I regret not having more children.” She had four. Through the years I have heard many women express this same sentiment (but never the opposite…maybe some feel that way but never actually say it!) So picture your 80 yr old self and what would she say?
That’s a great way of looking at it, and actually, I often look ahead and try to envision my family when the kids are older. Coming from a family of five kids, it’s so nice now to have such a large family around the table during the holidays. I definitely don’t want to have any regrets.
I am a happy and tired momma of 3. I waited 4 years between my 2nd and 3rd and it is easier that way in some aspects, but it is also harder in others. I had my freedom, I was sleeping a lot. My boys were self sufficient. Also being older I found this last pregnancy the hardest. But that being said, I adore my boy (3 boys for me) and I would never return him, no matter what I say after a sleepless night like last night (He’s 10mo for Gods sake, sleep already!!!).
Chantal recently posted..Roller coaster
Maria,I can totally relate as we debated for years on whether or not to have a third. My first two are 8 (girl) and 7 (boy) and the baby is now 15 months (girl). My son wanted a boy because there were already too many girls in the house including the cat and the fish and needless to say when the baby popped out a girl he was devastated and cried his little head off. That lasted a day and he loves his baby sister to death. He makes her laugh and giggle, he plays “Little People” with her and according to his teacher he talks about her all day long! There are moments of frustration when I think “what did we do?” but I can honestly say that this third little blessing has brought us so much joy and we are so much more relaxed with her (and now the other two) that we are truly enjoying the baby stage again. Plus I finally got one that has blond hair and looks like me and is not a clone of my hubby!
Go for it!
PS You are not old cause if you were that would mean that I am old too. And I refuse to be old!
I cried and threw a complete temper tantrum when my dad came home and told me I had a little brother too.
I still wish I had a sister sometimes.
littletownmom recently posted..2010 Pumpkins
I’m having the same issue. Now that we’re moving to a bigger place, I feel like one of the biggest hurdles is cleared…but I still can’t really get on board with night wakings, etc. I feel like we’ve got a great thing going here. I know I would love a 3rd as much as the others, and we’d just adjust our routine, but still…I’m not a spring chicken anymore…
Girl, I’m not a spring chicken either!!! Hence one of the major conundrums!
People think about and plan these things?
Kidding, of course. We take the kids as they come, not taking any permanent steps to prevent future children. I will say that we feel quite content with our six and are somewhat hopeful that our family is done growing. But we never say never. I do think that if you are at the point of thinking about it and weighing it then you are probably on the way to having another, in my opinion. It seems like it would be a short consideration if you really didn’t want any more kids. But what do I know? I’ve been surprised by every pregnancy, more or less.
nicole recently posted..Holiday Giveaway Goodness
I love your blog. You just need to really sit and think – is this what you want? The crappy bits (diapers/lack of sleep) are only for the first few years anyway – at least until they’re 11.
Go for it, if you feel like you really want a larger family. Simple as that. Or just throw away any kind of contraceptives and let Mother Nature decide. I’m definitely not having anymore so really, I do need other people to populate the planet. 
Call me!
I have this same battle constantly. When my hubby is baby hungry, I’m the voice of reason holding it back. When I am baby hungry, my husband is not ready. It’s hard to decide what we should do, and our son is 4, so I feel like it should be sooner rather than later.
I hear you!
Go for it!! More mini-you’s in the world is a good thing!
Lindsey Jacobs recently posted..From the mouths of babes
You gotta do what feels right. If you’re not done, you’re not done. If you have a third, you’ll never look back and think ‘I shouldn’t have done that’ Not seriously, anyway. Like Chantal said, once the baby comes you can’t imagine it not existing.
I never had any desire to have a third child, so I won’t actually be any help to you on this one. I just knew I did not want to go through the baby exhaustion again, and I have been enjoying slowly getting my freedom back.
When we decided to send Hubby to the doctor to make our decision permanent, we left one small door open, which was that we would adopt an older child if the urge to have more children ever did come back. It never has though, and I am positive my family of four is complete.
Finola recently posted..Halfway There! NaBloPoMo Day 16
You are not old. And I still stand by my ‘dog’ statement. Love you.
Katie recently posted..Because shopping in your pajamas is okay
I have 6 kids and each one was fought with the same should we or should we not. One thing I know is that when we were should we/should we not-ing it was clear that we were to have another since it would have been a clear should NOT if we didn’t want. Make sense? Either way don’t make a permanent decision to not until you are sure. Maybe you just need an oops to decide for ya. I am thrilled with my crew although exhausted but one cannot go backwards
Good luck with your decision. Certainly we can’t tell you what to do, but it sounds to me like you WANT another …..
Kinga’s comment made me chuckle .. we always talked about having three and I think I thought I would have more space between #2 and #3 but the “oops” happened (not that I don’t know how it happened, but let’s just say there were a few bottles of lovely wine involved) I’m so grateful that it happened that way because if we had waited any longer and experienced the easy life without diapers, sleepless nights, and things I’m sure I forget now… we may not have had a third, well, we always talked about 3 but I do think that I may have considered differently. I love my 3… i love the dynamic of three. People always say “oh you got your girl” because my two older are boys… I absolutely had no wish for one or the other, although I think I was scared and slightly shocked when i learned she was a SHE! She is now an amazing 5 year old girl – girls, I don’t get, and sometimes I have no idea what I’m doing but she has taught me patience and she likes to shop so it all worked out LOL
The beauty of your dilemma is… no matter what you choose, or how things turn out, any child would be lucky to have you as a mommy and son would get over it and become and amazing and nurturing brother instantly – because that is just the way it is
fiona recently posted..Chowin’ Down With @GlutenFreeGirl- Shauna James Ahern- at Udi’s Gluten Free Foods In Stapleton- CO
Are you nucking futs? That’s all.
Tell me how you really feel!
When we had the dudes 20 months apart, I thought we were DONE. But we weren’t ready for “permanent measures”.
When Nathan was about one, we both agreed that we wanted one more, girl or boy.
Matthew got snipped mere weeks after she was born. We knew we were done.
Angella recently posted..Mmm…Coffee
I’m doing the same thing right now, except my two are 4.5 and 2. I feel like I’m finally able to breathe again, so do I really want to throw myself in the deep end again? One last time?
It sounds like you really do want another but are wary of some logistics. So, go for it.
Do not take the preferences of a 7-year-old boy seriously when family planning, either. When the baby is on the scene it’ll be a whole other ball game. As the oldest of 4, I have a sister 9 years younger and a brother 12.5 yrs younger than me and we are all really, really close. Age doesn’t matter that much.
Rebecca Keenan recently posted..The Good Boss
You are not to old and I have babies babies babies on the brain so I say go for it! I want #4 so badly and hubs says no so if yours is willing to go with your decision then wahoo! Mine thinks way too little of how it is my parts that do most of the work anyway.
And twins…in theory would LOVE them too! They run in both our families and with every pregnancy I hoped and hoped.
Hubs think with our luck we would get twins the next time and end up with 5…and looking for a new house.
Brittany at Mommy Word recently posted..Facebook is Aiming for Our Kids and our Conversations
i would totally have more if i could. it seems after sneezing three times, i got pregnant without a care in the world. Now, I can’t. you could always have another and give it to me.:)
BABIEESSSSSSSSSSSSS! DO IT! #pregnancypact
My husband and I both come from families of three so three has always been our default number (although now my husband talks about four; not sure I’m with him on that!). Our three will be very close in age – our oldest turned 3 in September, our second is 18 months, and our third will arrive in February.
I applaud you for taking the time to weigh the pros and the cons. I don’t think the timing is ever perfect for having a baby and I suspect that since you’re giving it such measured thought, you probably really do want another one. Maybe I’m biased by my own choices, but I say – Go for it!
Kristen @ Motherese recently posted..Rolling with the Punches…and the Hugs
I have NO wisdom to offer since I struggle with the very same decision. But I’ll admit I’m VERY curious to see how this one turns out. Especially if you DO send hubby to the garage.
Christine recently posted..Overflowing
we planned and stopped at one ’nuff said
Our first two were born 13 months apart, a girl then a boy. They’re 6 and 7. And for a long time, we were DONE.
And then, I got an itch. Which turned into a rash, which morphed into a full blown fever. Which is how baby 3 was born last February, a full 6 years after the birth of my oldest child.
And it’s fabulous. Truly. My kids adore her.
And apparently, my uterus adored her too, because I am again knocked-the-hell up with baby 4 (and I say that because HELLO BIRTH CONTROL WHERE WERE YOU). Who will be born 15 months after baby 3. I like my kids born in pairs, or something.
Jess recently posted..blurbarinos
I say GO FOR IT! My kids always said that they were not going to be happy unless it is a girl or boy blah blah blah. But then during the pregnancy they always got so excited and in the end no one cared. Follow your heart and everything else falls into place.
Cheryl recently posted..Only needed one car!
{ 1 trackback }