I’m not a relationship expert, but I am willing to fake being one for you, here, now.
You’re welcome.
In my eyes, there are two types of Mothers at the playground – the ones that want to talk to you and the ones who don’t.
I won’t tell you what kind of Mom I am, but I’m never without my iPhone, book or imaginary friend so that should tell you something.
Actually, I really don’t have a problem talking with other people, and I can easily start a conversation with anyone about anything. It’s a gift. But for some reason, I find my kids’ school one of those places where the gift doesn’t apply. Also, the playground is all kinds of painful when it comes to trying to make conversation with total strangers.
But fear not, because I am here to offer my help to you so you are ready when approaching other Mommies.
First off, here are some things you should never say when trying to approach another mom on a playground (or anywhere really):
- ”Hi, how are you? Pull my finger.”
- “I noticed the sun reflecting off your facial hair, and thought I would come say hi!”
- “I’m here to judge your choices. Let’s be friends.”
- “I’m pretty sure we were besties in a past life, so I guess you’ve been waiting for me?”
- Take a running start toward her screaming, “CHEST BUMP! BEST FRIENDS CHEST BUMP!”
- Give them a purple nurple, without asking first. (Proper protocol: Ask first, purple nurple second).
- Point out how dirty, out of control, annoying their kids are. (Amateur! That’s crap you do in the privacy of your own home!)
- Offer them some of your Starbucks i.v.
- Spare them stories about the last time you had a hemorrhoid.
- Share your cardigan with them.
- Let them take the first sip of your Diet Coke.
- Smile until your face hurts.
- Shake hands firmly – leave the limpy, dead fish handshake at home.
- Oh, and don’t tell them you were just featured on Hoarders last week…..let them discover that for themselves.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Hehehe. But if you ran up to me screaming CHEST BUMP I totally wouldn’t have a problem?!
This made me giggle.
Thanks Loukia
On a stressful day, I needed to read this – hilarious. Love you when you’re on form like this!! Well, ok, I love you even when you aren’t. And I totally hide in my phone at the school yard. People are scary.
Emma recently posted..By the flicker of the television light
People ARE scary – WORD! Thanks Emma.
Hilarious! As I live in house full of boys, I thought the funniest one was ”Hi, how are you? Pull my finger.” I need to get out more apparently.
I find playground situations awkward when other families are there. If I know the people, I will say hi but if not, I try to smile and not look too crazy. LOL!
Insane Mamacita recently posted..Week One of #ProjectHappy
I just don’t go to the park or playground.
Chasing a busy toddler helps too. No time for more than a quick hi and yes all mine and we’re on our way.
nicole recently posted..Just Write: What I Don’t Write
Best solution of all!!
I literally laughed out loud at the facial hair one! HA HA HA!
I wish I could bring a thermos of wine to the park. I bet they would ALL be my bestie then!
Elaine recently posted..Some Same Something
Honestly, I would probably follow you around regardless of the wine, but the wine would be a lovely bonus. Let me just ask this – would me yelling, “I HAVE A GIRL CRUSH ON ELAINE!” scare you? Just checking for when we ACTUALLY meet.
Fave post of the year!! LOL Thanks for the giggle:)
SassyModernMom recently posted..Tips For Surviving A Sleep Over In The Suburbs
Ha. Thanks Steph!!
Facial Hair…LMAO…
Oh I am so using that one..will let you know how it turns out…
Great post
Cheers
Thanks Dee.
“I noticed the sun reflecting off your facial hair, and thought I would come say hi!”
LOL – that line had me snickering uncontrollably in my cubicle. My co-workers now think I’m more nuts than ever.
I find playground networking with other moms hard at times. I always smile…but they don’t always smile back. Perhaps I have a crazed look in my eye I’m unaware of.
but since I’m there to play with DD, I try not to worry too much about it.
Mel Gallant recently posted..Infertility is a bitch
I don’t worry too much about it either. I’m usually too busy helicoptering over my brood to make small talk anyway – need to learn to be better at multi-tasking.
{ 1 trackback }