Why? Because right now, I don’t know what is happening with my skin – it is awful. I never had acne in high school, and NEVER this bad except for the last few months. It is almost worse than being overweight. Almost.
And the fat shame should be pretty obvious.
Every year at this time, when winter is on the way out and spring is arriving, I get this feeling of dread because I know it’s not going to be as easy to hide behind one of my million cardigans. My beloved cardigans (yes, I have an obsession) have become a way to hide my fat. They’re part of the uniform – wide leg jeans, long t-shirts, and a long ass, huge cardigan. I pretty much wear the same thing every single day. As someone who LOVES clothes, and loves shopping for clothes, this KILLS me. My husband used to take me on trips to Toronto and Ottawa to shop at my favorite stores, because we didn’t have them in our smaller city. Now, when we go away and do some shopping, I don’t go into a single store that doesn’t have kids’ items. Not one. They remind me of my old self and what I desperately miss.
- I miss shopping for myself and buying myself things I like, and not just things that will cover me up the most.
- I miss jumping and running with my kids and thinking about having fun with them, and not ‘what do I look like right now’ and ‘I hope no one sees me’.
- I miss seeing someone I know from my past and being happy about seeing them, rather than thinking about how they’re probably shocked at what I look like now.
- I miss looking in the mirror and actually seeing myself, rather than never really making eye contact. I’ve mastered looking THROUGH the mirror.
I could go on forever, but I hate talking about this stuff, because I don’t want pity, and I never want to come across like a “woe is me” person because that’s just not really me. I put myself here – I totally get that. This is the result of eating poorly and not exercising for years – I know this. However, if I’m ever really going to do this, I have to be honest with myself, and I have to stop telling myself that I can’t do this. This is my biggest downfall. At some point, being mean to myself has to get old, no?
After reading about so many of my friends succeeding on the Weight Watchers plan, I can’t ignore it. This plan makes the most sense for long term success, and I have to stop caring about what other people are doing to lose weight and focus on the end goal, which should just be about my own personal goal. If I keep comparing others’ successes to my failures, I’m going to have to move into my closet permanently. I don’t want to do that – it’s dark in there.
So Wednesday evening, I went back to Weight Watchers AGAIN, and told them that I wanted to sign up and start fresh, and I took my older sister with me. The Weight Watcher ladies put me in my place as soon as I tried to be negative about myself, so thanks for that Weight Watchers ladies. They weighed me and as I already knew, I need to/want to lose 100 POUNDS – that’s the goal. And now that I was weighed on a Wednesday evening, I plan to go every Wednesday, which works great because I’ll be able to blog results on Thursdays.
For those of you who have never been to Weight Watchers, the sign up is very easy. You go in, you are immediately welcomed by someone who is also on the program. You sign up and/or pay for your week, and then they weigh you. It’s a very nice and comfortable environment and they are very discreet about your weight. They are encouraging and very nice and extremely helpful and knowledgeable. According to your weight and some other numbers, they will tell you how many points you can eat each week. You are given lots of reading material and you get new informative Weight Watchers Weekly inserts every week. They also have tons of extras available for purchase, like cookbooks, magazines, food, etc. Honestly as long as you get all the weekly materials, all you really need above that, is the calculator that will help you calculate points of everything you eat. The best $10 you can spend I think.
So there’s where I stand – I guess I’m a bit behind since it’s mid-March but in the big picture, who cares really.
Are you on working hard to get to your best self for Blogher in August? Maybe you blogged about healthy eating, or workouts or maybe even Weight Watchers. Whatever it may be, I would love it if you linked up your post below, so that we can come and support you and see how you’re doing!!