Back in 2010, I was lucky enough to be able to attend Blogher in New York City, or what I like to call, My Four Days of Sanity Tour.
Thankfully, I’m going again this year and am super psyched it’s back in NYC!
It of course makes perfect sense that since I have attended ONE Blogher conference in total, I am absolutely qualified to share my worldly Blogher knowledge – with you. Enjoy and take notes.
- I’ll begin with the obvious – wear COMFORTABLE shoes. You will walk A TON, and you will need to wear something you can run in when you’re mowing down people at the Expo to get to that pen you so desperately need and can’t live without.
- Wear what you love to wear – just leave your Easter bonnets at home.
- Do not leave home without a CARDIGAN – obviously. Also, because the hotel is chilly and nipple action in photographs is so 2004.
- Wear some good sturdy underwear – it’s damn hot and humid in NYC and thongs will only contribute to painful chaffing action. Or you could wear thongs and we’ll know why you’re walking funny.
- The hotel is actually very nice and in a great location, so WIN. However, the elevators may break you – prepare yourself for the longest elevator waiting times you will ever experience. Now get over it and use it as a time to chat with your neighbour. Also, bicep curls while holding your bags of swag is very productive.
- The hotel bar in the lobby is the place to be late at night. Don’t want to go to sleep because these are the only four days you get to be sans kids for at least a year? Well then I’ll see you there (bring your pennies – the cocktails are tasty, but not cheap).
- Be nice to the staff – because being rude to people makes you an asshole. Also, they have access to your toothbrush when you’re not around. Remember that when you’re brushing your teeth and tasting toilet water.
- Oh yes, the real reason we’re in NYC (nope it’s not the shopping). It doesn’t take a genius to realize that this conference isn’t possible without the hours and hours of hard work and preparation of some amazing people (no I don’t work for Blogher). So appreciate it and check out the sessions and events, and all that it has to offer. The keynote speakers (hello Katie Couric and Martha Stewart), the Voices of the Year – it’s all just too good. By the way, you heard about the Colin Firth/Magic Mike Final Keynote right?
- Don’t just show up in NYC without some preparation first – Sit down and figure out the schedule and what you want to attend in terms of sessions, etc. Figure out the parties you can’t miss and all that jazz ahead of time so you don’t feel completely lost when you get there.
- Introduce yourself! But remember, introducing yourself is a two part process. For example,
1. “HI, I’m Maria! (Followed by the blank-who-is-this-chick stare).
2. “Online, I’m BORED Mommy (Ding, ding, ding – OH, Hi! How are you?!!).
I’m not kidding – I did this every single time I met someone new. People you haven’t met in real life won’t know what you look like or who the bleep you are until you’re face to face, and staring at each other’s nametags. Don’t be offended by that, it’s just reality. Think of it as a blind date, but with less groping.
- Don’t skip meals, no matter how tired/hungover/lazy you feel. This is the perfect time to meet other ladies and see if they chew with their mouth closed.
- Travel in Pairs/Packs – Every year, you hear the same complaint about people being clique-y – I don’t agree with that. It’s just natural that you want to be around people you know and/or are comfortable with. If you’re shy or easily overwhelmed by thousands of women you don’t know, then make plans to conquer those moments with your roommate/girlfriend/bestie. Don’t miss out on a great weekend – be confident and tell yourself that you belong there as much as anyone else, because you do. Yes, this is a sarcastic free bullet point. You are welcome.
- Blogher weekend is party overload – tons of official parties, and tons of unofficial and private parties. It is literally impossible to go to everything, so don’t even try. Go to some, skip others and have fun regardless.
- Do not, I repeat, DO NOT miss Sparklecorn – it is a four hour dance party and just crazy fun.
- Don’t get too drunk and end up in some weird, compromising situation because we are a people obsessed with the internet. Yes, your fellow bloggers can also be your worst nightmare/paparazzi.
- Don’t forget or lose those drink tickets you will get at the start of the conference – those babies are prized and will save you some money at the parties. Also, use them to trade for electronics and designer handbags with the drunk people who don’t know what is happening until it’s too late. Ahem.
You need a ton of stuff in that oversized (I’m going to try to fit in every piece of swag known to man in here on the way home) suitcase. Including:
- Cell phone, laptop, ipad, chargers
- Business cards – if you forget, just bring a permanent marker and write your info on their cleavage
- Clothing – no really, because that would suck
- Shoes, supportive underwear, nude pantyhose (one of these things is not like the other)
- Cab fare x 4 days – it’s more than you think, I promise you
- Canadian flag decals – put these on so people don’t have to ask you why you’re so nice, polite and apologetic
- Lysol wipes – no really, bring an entire container, and wipe down your room (and roommates) before unpacking a thing. You’re welcome said the germaphobe.
- Heavy Duty, XL garbage bags – Double as obscenely large carry-alls, for the SWAG of course.
- A copy of Fifty Shades of Grey (or other dirty book) – for a weird/spontaneous (yes dirty books make you smart) book club and also so you can actually READ IT before you constantly tweet about how much it sucks. Seriously, that’s how reading works. Read first, speak later.
But I digress.
Oh look, Bruce Jenner.
Oh, and if nothing else, just remember this and you’ll be fine:
See you there.