- I lived at home, and the stories about my possible “death by family suffocation/obligation” would have been bountiful.
- You would have been overwhelmed with selfies of me at church, purposefully photobombing the priest.
- I had a perm. AND bangs.
- You would have heard about one of my old jobs where the boss had a toe thumb. He had lost a thumb in an accident so he had his TOE surgically removed and put on his hand, as his new thumb. ON PURPOSE. Let’s just say that every time I saw him, all I did was stare at his toe thumb. I think I lasted a month before I had to quit – toe thumb nightmares were keeping me up at night.
- You were happily spared photo heavy posts involving the many hideous bridesmaid catastrophes I had to wear. Suck it Raw silk and dyed to match shoes!
- Many, many pictures of me and my mom in our pjs, watching Sex in the City and giggling like hyenas.
- You were spared regular posts titled, “OMG, we had the best time last night, but don’t tell my mom” and “Oops, I kissed a guy again but it’s ok because he was cute” and “I have a crush on one of the waiters at my family’s restaurant. Again.”
- You would have enjoyed the lovely evolution of alcohol I would enjoy, then barely stomach, and then permanently ban. It went something like this: Wildberry coolers, Peach Schnapps, Jack Daniels, anything mint, Mike’s hard lemonade and ouzo.
- Recipes would have included The Perfect Coke Float, and that’s it.
- You were spared fashion posts involving what to wear with black, super wide-leg pants and why thong underwear is comfortable.
This post was inspired by MamaKat’s writing workshop and originated from Wendi Aarons.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Haha, photobombing the priest! I would have definitely loved reading what you have listed.
Thanks!
Tell us more about the Peach Schnapp’s and cute waiters.
This would best be discussed during a girls night out, with cocktails. Minus the peach schnapps.
Ha ha – awesome.
Your boss had a toe-thumb too? NO WAY.
OK, my current boss doesn’t have a toe thumb, but he is missing the tip of his index finger and every time he talks with his hands I have to make what to him is probably uncomfortably direct eye contact.
Yup. The fact that the guy was a total jerk only made the toe thumb more pronounced and harder to ignore!
Ha! Love the list. I had a perm and bangs in my 20′s too – mall hair, never going back! I’ve never known anyone with a toe thumb or even someone who knew someone with a toe thumb. Fascinating, weird, strange – I’m pretty sure I would have stared at it too.
Thanks Shannon!
Hahahahahaha! Toethumb! That was funny! I don’t think I could work for someone with a toe thumb!
Dude, I didn’t even mention the HAIR on it, because the thought makes me literally nauseous even now. Now my tummy hurts.
This was such a fun post this week!
I didn’t have a perm then, but I did get my hair stuck in a curling iron and then had to chop it off, short.