My 5 year old son has mentioned a couple times now about this older kid in Grade 3 who is constantly picking on him at school. At first it began as teasing – he would tell my son that he couldn’t run fast, and was so slow, etc. Which is really no big deal I suppose, and these things happen, so I told my son as much. Then, my son told me that a kid hit him on the back at recess and it was on purpose and that it really hurt him. When I asked him who it was, he refused to tell me at first. Then this weekend, he told me that an older kid has been pushing him against the fence and being mean to him. He also told me that he was scared of this boy, and that I needed to talk to his mom. When I pushed him further, he finally admitted that its been the same boy doing all of this, which he had not admitted up to this point. He also just told me who the boy is because he wants me to get him to stop.
When I asked him why he hadn’t told me the kid’s name up to this point, he told me it was because he likes “the bully’s” little sister, and doesn’t want to get her in trouble. I feel really bad about this whole situation because I know this kid’s mom, and she’s very nice and with four kids, she has her hands full. However, the minute someone messes with my kids, I can’t stand back and do nothing. The minute he said he was scared, it broke my heart. Now I know in this day and age, you can’t “do” or say anything to someone else’s kid, but I am so angry about the entire situation, I wish I could.
My son is five. FIVE. This may be naive to say, but why does this sort of thing even have to happen. He’s still a baby, and already feeling scared by an older kid at school. It is just unfair that he has to even deal with this. Its unfair that I have to deal with this.
This is the kind of thing that you really don’t think about when you’re having babies and becoming a mother. You think about the joys and the gifts about motherhood. You don’t think about having to deal with bullies and your child being scared at the age of 5. This is one of those stressful situations that I wish no mom had to deal with. And I know that this is not really a “big deal” in terms of bullying, I guess there are much worse. But to my young son, it is a big deal. To my son, this kid is scary and mean and physical with him and that’s more than enough for me to act.
I would love any advice you may have on how to deal with the situation, both with my son and with this kid and his mother. What would you do and how would you deal with the situation? Any kids books that you could suggest that I might pick up to read with my son, I would also appreciate. Thanks so much.
After really thinking about my options, reading all your comments, and talking with my husband, I decided that my first step would be to approach the mom personally. My son and her younger daughter were in the same class last year (she was in JK, while Nicholas was in SK), so we would see each other daily and we spoke daily. I thought it would probably be my best option, because I knew her, but also because I would hope for the same consideration if it were reversed. I approached her alone, and told her the situation. I was non-confrontational, polite, friendly – my usual self with her to be honest. She was SHOCKED. She couldn’t believe it. She kept asking me if I had the right kid, because there are many kids with his name, being a very common name. She kept saying his full name, as a question to me. I told her that I would never have approached her if I didn’t know that it was her son 100%. She asked for exact details of how many times it happened and what was said and done. I told her what she wanted to know, and she said that she would have a VERY SERIOUS discussion with her son that evening. That was Tuesday.
I saw her from my car as I was parking on Wednesday. In fact, she walked right by the car. I’m not sure, but it seemed like she was avoiding me, although I hope I’m wrong. I’m not at that school today, since my little guy is not feeling great, but I will see what happens tomorrow.
I don’t regret approaching her first – I think it was the right thing to do for this situation. I’m waiting to see how this plays out. If it happens again, as I told the mom, I will be forced to talk to the teacher and/or principal. Because no matter how I feel about this mom, my son comes first, period.