Tag Archives: Seriously

Crap. I’m old. My i.d. told me so.

22nd July 2010



It’s that day again. July 22nd.

Another year older.

My i.d. told me so.

I’m old.

When you’re old – weird things happen. Unpreventable weird things.

Bodily functions. And droopiness. And constantly remembering “the good old days”.

Like, remember when you graduated high school and laughed your ass off at the thought of your high school reunion in say 10 years. Or worse – 20 years. Yeah, I remember that – vaguely. I’m old now, my brain is creaky. Must mean my 20 year reunion will be here any day.

By the way, don’t send me an invite to that thing – I would rather swallow a screwdriver than EVER go to that.


Like I said, it is officially another year older on my old age chart.

I am depressingly OLD.

How do I know? What’s my proof? Well, let’s see….

1. My bowels come up in everyday conversation.

2. I found a greyish hair in the last year. Somewhere. On my old body.

3. I can’t recognize half the crap on the radio anymore. Yes I’m that person.

4. I have little kids who want to do things, and move around all the time. Their annoying youthfulness remind me that I’m older than dinosaurs. On a daily basis.

5. I’m too old to have babies now – evidently, I’m ripe for cats though.

6. I know what probiotics are. See #1.

7. Products that squeeze, tighten and suck it in are my best friends. They call to me. Problem is, I may be too old to answer.

8. I care about things. Things old people care about.

9. I get ma’am’d. On a regular basis. And I HATE it.

10. I say things old people say like, “where did the time go?” and “let’s play pinochle” and “damn you sciatica!”.

11. I can’t wear daisy dukes now. Or leg warmers. Or tube tops. How will I get through the rest of my days without tube tops?

I could go on, but in my old age, it’s best not to disturb this animal.

The ugly cry is even uglier – when you’re old.

True story.

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